its her life. not yours.

2009-05-11T04:20:00.001-07:00

PPL MY BLOG HAS MOVED!!!
animusopus.blogspot.com

2009-01-14T05:48:00.000-08:00

orientation sucked. LOL ok i'm lying. it's not bad. mass dance was not bad. the activities were not bad. class facs were not bad. LOL my life is filled with NOT BADS. haha. however, the part i hated most was the running around part. & the part where i got sunburned just after the first day! well, what can i say, i have very very very very very very tender and WHITE skin. haha! & my god, my whole body feels like its falling apart and everytime i start sneezing my stomach muscles hurt like mad and i will break the sneeze halfway and don't know whether to continue sneezing anot. & thats not funny!!! if you know me, you will know that sneezing is a very common thing that happens to me every 5 minutes of my life. damn, i just want to pull out my nose now when i feel like sneezing!
5g is ok. better than i expected. LOL, maybe that's cuz i have low expectations. haha, but i have rousi so i guess that is not that bad. however, i have to say my time table sucks on thursday WHICH IS TOMORROW. WHICH IS WHEN LESSONS STARTS. DAMN! i only have 20mins of free period between lessons and that is not exactly very helpful. since i guess a tendency for teachers to release you late and the time for you to get to the other place you are supposed to be equates to somewhat near 20mins? & out of five days, i go home very late on ALOT of days. haha, why alot cuz i cant exactly remember the actual number of days. XP
i haven done beijing mindmap and commonwealth essay & i have gp tomorrow. hope ppl in my class haven done it yet. LOL was supposed to do it today but i fell asleep and just woke up. & my aching muscles disallow me to hold up any objects in my frail and aching hands to do anything for more than 3 minutes. but, apparently, I CAN TYPE! haha!

2008-12-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

i am here to announce that since my blog has suddenly looked 'super active', i have decided to update it.
ok, hmm how do i start? basically, my holidays have been spent in pretty simple ways. If i am not trying to work my ass off for $230, or i am not slacking in the library cafe staring into space, i am basically just sprawling on my bed & watching tv or waking up at 12 in the afternoon. yah, i know i rock! haha. & why $230 you might, it's actually for my hair and something else which i don't really wanna say. & no, it's not liposuction or any other form of cosmetic surgery. even though i would not mind losing somw weight which i have been desperately trying to do so. note the desperately trying. because i have set my handphone alarm to like 7am in the morning for 6 consecutive days and guess what i have totally ignored the snooze and everything and have gloriously wake up at 10am just in time for work. BLEAH! i wanna run man. but i need to get up first! haha.
the person i have saw the most in my whole holidays must be shiyuan. well, we work together so that's no surprise.
& it's going to be christmas! christmas! why am i getting high for even though i totally don't celebrate it? Cuz my workplace is on rest for three days cuz of it! haha! no more slogging my ass, arms, legs and brains off.
another thing to rant about, i want my hair to GROW! like GROW longer amd more. i seriously swear my hair is thinning, if this goes on i will be completely bald before 20, and man, that's not a pretty sight.
okay, that's all. man, i am good in summary.
the next thing to look out for even though the possibility of me updating is 0% is 2d chalet on 29 i think. LOL, better not forget it like what i did to TT chalet. i only found out that TT chalet was occuring at the second day like at night which so totally didnt help.
ciaos for now XP

2008-11-21T04:19:00.000-08:00

i am here to relieve insanity and stress. well, since my blog has been dead for wuite long i am betting that no one comes to it anymore so i am free to rant about random stuff without offending anyone.
life sucks. like, really. i am leaving for beijing on sunday, and i am sick of packing and have like less than an inch of enthusiasm for it. so give the girl a hand. i have been going over clothes, toiletries, towels, clothes, clothes, and more clothes. one, i cant afford to overpack. two, i cant afford to pack too little stuff. WOAH, talk about extreme contradiction. & did i so totally mention that i got hit with a soccerball today and my specs are screwed. well, i guess i dont mind about the screwed specs part or the part where i got hit and the pain and all, the part that i minded was the fact that my mom refused to go over with me and get it fixed. i am your daughter for god sake. the one who scores the grades and be all independent. but no.... i am not even better than someone like my sis. WOAH! big shocker. which sucked.
and sherry hasnt been online for quite awhile when i need to spurt out vomit on her so that she can pat me on the back and tell me its alright. i feel sick, lazy amd totally tired of all the packing stuff. now when i think of beijing all i want to do is throw the luggage out of my window, if i can eveen carry it up that is. i feel so totally screwed up. crap, crap,crap.
woah, i just realised i cant bring myself to say he four letter word. looks like a serious break from table tennis cured that. crap. beijing sucks. luggage sucks. packing sucks. lif's crap & oh yah, it sucks too.

2008-05-30T01:58:00.001-07:00

ENOUGH OF THIS EMO CRAP!!!!

haha!! wanted to make it red and big, but cuz too long never post le, totally forgot how to do so. nvm, you all shall imagine it THAT way :D
LALALA! has been damn long since i ever posted. the previous was the last day of school of the first term, and now is the holidays of the second term le. WOOSH. time really do fly,haha. spend this term learning not to be emo and learn how to be 心胸宽大, 放下 & 不去在意. which i think i have done a good job, because now i dont really care alot. haha. NOPE. no more emo-ing. SHOO EMO SHOO!!! okay... maybe not ALL things. hey, but this shows i am working on it :p time time time is all i need...

ITS THE HOLS! & i plan on having FUN (:

2008-03-06T03:13:00.000-08:00

i have to finish rushing out alot of stuff due to tomorrow being the last day of schl for this term. i kind of like this person who is flaming my tagboard. maybe cuz whatever she say is true. firstly she scolds me a bitch, which i am more than happy to admit. finally, i get realised to become a bitch. upgrade in standard (:
then the person scolds me a loser o.O which for this week i seriously felt like one. especially after the match. then the person says i copy homework. which is so damn true. OMMYGAWD! are you me? haha!!! maybe u will let me copy urs when i cant find any to copy. (: anyway, pls change ur nick. its no longer the in word anymore, wait till i find one, i will post it up & inform you so you can be as up to date as me
(: my gawd, i am a total 自恋狂。 school's driving me crazy (:

NOTE: if you must noe rvtt has always been like this, but because of the constant covering up we have been viewed as people who are rude, disrespect and total bimbos or bitchs. maybe if you looked into the matter clearly or know us better, your view might have been different.

2008-03-02T01:47:00.001-08:00

sometimes things make me feel like life is a fallacy. one big fat lie that all of us live in. i finally see what shakespear meant when he said life's a stage. all of us are merely actors, enjoying that short moment of lime light. deception, lies, betrayal and backstabbers, i tried desperately to avoid, but i guess there are times when somethings are always impossible to avoid. life always has two sides, & i guess i always focus on the negative parts more. sometimes when i stare at the positive parts i feel that shortlived happiness, then realise that ugly truths behind them. the higher u leap, the harder u fall. i guess, this time, i fall hard. very hard. in life, in grades, in everyone and in me. the promise i made to keep my damn mouth shut, still doesnt work. somehow i feel more obliged to keep it shut now. since everything i say isnt good, i must well shut it up.
attitude problems. i wont deny i dont have them. in fact i am pretty clear about it. but when i try to act as cheerful as i can talking about things that are random, people say that i am acting like a bitch and being fake. when i try to go away and keep my nose out of everything else, people say i ap them. then what the hell do you want me to do? jump of the builidng of cut myself, which i will gladly do so, if not for my parents. they say i act emo. well, newsflash, i AM emo. if you live a life like mine, maybe u will be too. & dont start on saying that you have a live worser than me. cuz i know you dont.i worked hard for everything i have. & i wont give them up just because you think u deserve them more. cuz i dont think so.

i haven given up the fight. i am just trying to protect people whom i now see dont deserve/ dont need my protection anymore. ending.

i seriously cant wait for the day i die.
god, can you please hurry up. i wanna meet you soon and complain about this damn life you have given me so i can get a better one next time.
PS. please make sure i die the right way.

2008-02-27T05:10:00.000-08:00

life's been boring. great to see tagboard still active, its kind of fun to reply to people, form of relaxation & entertainment. tests and tests every week makes me feel like puking and ranting four letter words. but nothing can be done, i guess, except to study. ciaos for now and tomorrow and next week (:

i can't please everyone. & since u are not important to me, why should i please you?
its time for the curtain to start going down, don't you think?

2008-02-16T05:49:00.000-08:00

the suicide thing is finally over. dunno how long i can take it if it continues. just talking to my 'brother' about 2d stuff and realised that i really dont understand anything anymore. & he said i was emo. & i realised i really was. but sometimes this are the circumstances of certain things in life. i dont wish to past everyday in tears either.
beat fuhua & dunearn 5-0 each. KSS on monday. i dont know what to expect or what to feel. friday made me feel like a loser & i dont know how to handle such a annoying feeling.
i have alot of things to do. but i dont wanna move myself from the com. lazy? maybe.
listening to 听寂寞在唱歌( which makes me think of the suicide thing again) & 亲爱的，那不是爱情。according to my i tunes player play count i have listened to this two songs 59 times each today. no wonder i am emo. i listen to emo songs X)

2008-02-03T04:25:00.000-08:00

this is totally crap. i am stuck with studying redox & rate of reaction, which fyi is total crap. i just realised that half the rate of reaction notes are on enzymes which we learn in bio last year. haha. so i can totally just ignore it. (: redox is total shit. i feel reduced rite now, due to me having lost oxygen atoms in my brain. yah, i feel like sleeping. loss of oxygen in brain = yawning and sleep. i think i am going to flunk the test. sian sian sian.

yesterday went shopping with rvtt b gals sec4 without yeejin & huien & lynette. haha, i was the STARRR of the day. jealous rite. LOLOLOL. i bought 2 tops & shorts with them. & i have decided to look chio from now on because i just finally realised that it is really time to move on. esp. when sinyee said about the army thing, made me realise the huge age gap. got hear about age drain rite, ya,so dun want liao lor. i so young, lol, must have more choices. haha, make the guy sound like some ah pei. X)

i have speech history ss chem & some other thing to do which i forgot liao. damn, what the hell isit. anyway, ciaos.

LOL. i sound high today. must be some error in me ...

2008-01-30T04:20:00.000-08:00

sometimes i would just like to drop everything & jump down a building or run into the middle of the road. i finally understand what is 逼上绝路. If one day i ever leave this world full of hatred and tiredness, i am sure all of you know who to blame. Maybe i should just do it, since everything in life seems so worthless already. nothing seems to matter anymore, its just me and my life, so fragile & so breakable.

maybe one day i would figure out how to end all these things, even though the fatest solution seems so enticing. so attractive.

**respect should be gained from the bottom of others hearts & not just because you want it. if this is how you demand respect, all i can say is "HAIL HITLER!" [ let the totaliterian rule BEGIN! ]

2008-01-11T05:27:00.000-08:00

i dont know what to do now. i hate this cca. i hate it so much. but yet, i love rvtt. haha. so damn ironic. rvtt is the only place now where people actually tolerate me, where i can be me, & dont have to care about everything.
daily life is making me feel as if i have split personality. non-cc days,this is zhijun one. i wouldnt say quiet, but if you really know me at rvtt, you would be wondering if this was the same person. i dont want to do this either. you have no idea how tired i am, acting good & guai. all i want to do is to survive. even though i hated this way of survival, i didnt really have a choice. 4C & 3C is not exactly 2D, nor is it rvtt.
for cca days, i dont really care anymore. after all the trouble i get in, i dont want to care how others thought of me. i can be as crazy as i want, showing everything out & not caring what others saw. i can shout & scream & throw tantrums, & everyone will feel that it is normal. if i dont talk for one whole day, people will think that i am either acting emo or trying to ap everyone. but thats me, i cant keep my mouth shut, & i dont see the need in keeping it shut when i am myself. sure, you might say i am hyprocrital. i feel that i am too. i wanna strangle the other zhijun one in me & be myself. just like in rvtt. but in 3C & 4C, they dont accept that. for any case, i would rather be in 4H or 4L or even 4I. i dont want to be in a place where i must survive in such a cowardly way. but i really dont have a choice & everything will end. after this year. just one more year.
so perhaps everyone at rvtt feels that nowsaday zhijun is getting more & more crazy. its just because i am feeling more & more stressed. especially with rvtt getting more & more complicated, i find that the only place to be me is starting to vanish. & that is completely unacceptable.

completely unacceptable.

2008-01-07T03:05:00.000-08:00

sometimes i do things which i dont know why i am doing them. its like a reflex action, something that i am supposed to do each time but i never know why. school is okay, even though the daily morning spot checks kind of get on my nerves. if they don't trust us to not show off our shorts to everyone in the world, i dont see why we change our uniform. we know how short our skirts can be. we are not exactly that shameless that we dont know how much we can show off. i feel that i am going to fall behind for the sciences. i dont really understand about them.

black? its that me then?

P.S. he really looks like wilson. (:

2008-01-05T22:43:00.000-08:00

sian sian sian
saturday had cca trials & i got to know more juniors from sec 1 & 2. i pretty much liked the guy called ashley. [should be correct] yah, sinyee like him too. first impression, gives me a dexter feeling. haha, dexter gives me a yujie feeling too. LOL. but i think he has the blur look thing too. according to sinyee he kept scrathing his head & looking blur. his backview looks like wilson, he was the guy i mistake for wilson when i wasnt wearing my specs during the day of the business china thing. LOL. good impression lar for what he give me.

then me, sinyee & sherry went shopping for my jacket at vivo. which i didnt find anything. although sherry very very encouraged me to buy the kappa long jacket which cost 99.90 bucks. LOL. & sinyee was dont listen to her. haha. if it was cheaper i would have considered. but i think a close 100 is too much. (:

& i lost my new manga notebook which has my homework list inside. & i highly think that my siter took it because she suddenly appeared & claimed that she bought it yesterday. DAMN. i should have written my name or something on it.

2007-12-31T18:31:00.000-08:00

ok this is officially 2008! it's a new year so i have new resolutions (:
1)maintain GPA of 3.0 & above
2)do not FAIL maths & physics
3)control my temper better
4)work hard to have a united B'division 08
5)have better skills & perhaps stop slacking (:
6)treat coach better
7)change me

& thats all (:

2007-12-29T06:16:00.000-08:00

sometimes i think RVTT B'GALS SEC 3 2007 is probably the most rebellious, wildest, HIONG-EST, most fun to be with & probably the BRAVEST team there is in rvtt history! haha. since when do you see six girls constantly bickering & screaming at insane teachers? ( ya, i take FULL responsibilty for this sentence SO CALL ME! i will be waiting my dear. even though i can't assure you my phone has THAT MUCH MONEY to take up your call (: )

we probably suffer the most too, from the treacherous hands of "so called imparters of knowledge". or maybe just one. ( i am definitely not pointing fingers here X) SO SUE ME FOR BEING SUBTLE HUH ) man, i like doing this. i should so be a lawyer next time (:

we had this hoo-hah on friday. man, i hate it when they find ways to ruin the LAST training. GIVE US A BREAK MAN. so, as i was saying, this friday. i saw alot of things this friday. yaya, ignore the fact i was crying my eyeballs out. ( I BET YOU MUST BE SMUG ) & probably had about a 20 plus audience. but a girl has to cry sometimes you know. so i was letting everything once & for all. whatever, i was totally feeling pissed about my father who is still having a cold war with me which is bad because i haven bought my school shoes. BUT THAT is not the point. maybe, one day the person who is going to cry & feel regretful for being such a bitch/bastard is going to be someone else (STILL NO FINGERS), & at that point of time, i will be prepared to make sure i will be there to watch. WATCH. haven anyone tell you that you can't mess with me & get away with it. WISHFUL THINKING. maybe you might get that wish during christmas. but i wouldnt bet on it. since you haven been exactly NICE. & i heard SANTA doesn't like you (:
so i wouldnt be betting on it (:

OH YAH. i forgot you can have me up for irresponsible blogging. but hey, i haven been pointing fingers. unless you think too much. ( my favourite phrase!) seriously, then please DON'T think too much. it's not good for health & i bet you still need it for the rest of the days.

call me dear. i am waiting (:

2007-12-21T05:28:00.000-08:00

homework not done yet. sian like mad. suppose to clear up my stuff, all those worksheets, but haven done yet. & my mom is like screaming into my ear. damn. training was pretty okay. okay, some especially one! haha. sinyee is going to scold me hua-chi again. X)

2007-12-12T02:12:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard silence? That deafening yet musical silence? The sound which pierces through everything, light or darkness. Silence don't constantly exist. This can be seen in some places, where too many sounds cover up the quietness and where too many noises cover up the noiseless. These worlds belong to those who have peace and war. With too much peace, we neglect the silence around us. We take silence for granted, as a noise that will never cease to exist. We irritate ourselves with silence, endlessly complaining about it. Yet, we always yearn for the exact same silence when war comes. War cover up the silence. It changes silence into a fantasy. Silence becomes a form of hope, a bright light shining at the end of a endless dark tunnel. Silence then, what a musical sound! The noise and music that has always have people running from both sides of it, changing direction constantly. No one can be appease with silence. or without it.

2007-12-04T02:44:00.000-08:00

sometimes we just got to suck all the tears back in
&
refuse to let them out.

2007-12-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

sian-ed. timeline was a big dissapointment man. i was totally dejected. the heritage tour thing was a total dissapointment. we got 2 angels, zhang kai & that weng (forgot his name le). before we start, zhang kai kept making bets that he was going to bring us to be first & put like this amazing stress on us. as expected we didn't came out first even though we pia like mad. i guess if we did came out first, our team would be the last overall. we did pretty badly for the first round & desperately needed the second round to pull the marks up. but we never did. we were the fourth group, meaning we had a bonus point of 4. if we were first, we would have gotten 10 bonus points. & perhaps pull us up. so we came to the end that the other three teams got 1st 2nd & 3rd. & we were the only team to get 8th. i don't deny i was sad. i mean, we worked hard. but perhaps not hard enough.

but still thanks to zhang kai who was so pia-ing. we cab back to sp, but one cab can only take 4, so he took one by himself and let us take the other in order to let us reach there 'first'. thanks,man. even though i might forget you in like 2 months. the 翁 guy was cool too. he has that 善良face. haha.

so that marks the end

2007-11-28T06:32:00.000-08:00

heyhey back from timeline. which created the biggest joke in the world LOL!
we went there & was like totally okay at first. & waited & waited & waited for the thing to start.
then when it finally did, i did the first few questions & i was like, this is still okay. then i flipped the page and i started going like wth! cuz i totally did'nt expect the thing to be so difficult. they asked like questions on things that i have never heard before in my life, & it just keeps getting harder. so totally wth!
then when it finally finished, we were thinking oh shit this is not going to be good. then we went around eating refreshments & lamenting about the paper.
then announcement of results:
river valley team a
& shuying start laugh/scream cuz we were team a
river valley team b
team b people started laughing
river vally team c
team c people started omygawd
river vally team d
& everyone from rv just exploded.
cuz like everyone from our school got in & we were saying the highest should be 30/300. hahahahaha. so god damn farnie can!
but yupps, team a is in second round but shuying will be relaxing in perth. wonder who is going to take over her. well, we shall see on saturday.
more mugging for me :)

2007-11-26T23:17:00.000-08:00

i am so BLOODY PISSED right now. BLOODY PISSED! & i totally mean it okay. & how can you know from that? its only 3.20 pm & i am here. blogging. before this, i went to vivio to get 2 presents, one for pearly & one for rousi. & because of that, i was late for training. & i was all okay with that. but who knows, even though i am late, i kept thinking that at least rousi will be there. i waited & waited. there was only 3 bloody people other than me. i waited until 3.00 until i cannot take it anymore, i packed my bags and left.
in this world, i hate 3 kinds of people,
one: those who are freaking irresponsible
two: those who say they will but in the end they won't
three: those who make me wait for them
& for this people i give only one chance. & she has already used up that one chance along time ago. & we are PISSED

2007-11-25T21:49:00.000-08:00

谈恋爱，是给那些无聊的人打发时间。
你看我样子，像是个无聊的人吗？

haha. i was like seeing some show that mention something like this & i was like LOL. if next time, anyone ask me when i am going to have a relationship, i am so going to say that. everyone left. everyone. so now, its poor me alone if rousi doesn't come for training. sometimes, being alone has its advantage.
at least i hope so. not going to 2d chalet, don't feel like it & i have no time anyway.& its not like they welcome. tt chalet, its another thing. also not sure whether going anot. see my mood. cuz i am a mood-istic person. LOL.
timeline. when are you going to start studying hur?

有时候，太有空，更容易胡思乱想。

2007-11-23T03:38:00.000-08:00

threw a SUPA big tantrum when i went home. towards the wall & my bed pillows. i dont know man. i just suddenly felt so pissed that i needed to let it out. i felt like throwing stuff across the room, kicking everything and just well, let it out. maybe this year didnt really go as well as i thought it was. cuz its been a long time, since this happened. at home. when i reflect after like 5 minutes later, i was thinking what a PATHETICALLY SHIT YEAR I HAD. people forcing me to do things i dont want, people expecting me to get things done, people treating me like shit, people criticsing on how i look.
i mean, i am me, man. so what the fuck do i need to care what you think of me. if i am happy being me, what has that gotta do with you? & no, i might not look as explosive as i look like, but yes, if you step on me, do not expect me to not step back.
& i do not fucking care about the school team okay. i have come so long for being in the school team for three years. & it doesnt matter to me if i dont carry on. you dont make my choices. i make them. MYSELF. & if you demand respect, can you please do something to make sure you gain it first, MLJ. because, if you think i respect you, you are far from that. way far from that.

& i dont think i can keep that promise.

也许有些东西让我感觉到累了，累到以前很重要的东西已经变得不重要了。已经变得一文不值了。
我不玩了。这个游戏，我退出，我也玩不起。

2007-11-22T19:38:00.000-08:00

YO MAN! haha. wanted to stay up yesterday to study for timeline. who knows, after 6 hours of intense training, i got K.O. by the sleep monster at 11. RAHHS. so i haven started studying yet. HEY MAN! when are you going to start? ONE HUNDRED YEARS LATER? HUR? & i still got tkk to worry over.

& do you know, this year highest score for PSLE is a imba mark of 294!

2007-11-21T04:08:00.000-08:00

hahaha i feel so accomplished. i finished another zuowen. so now i am left with one more. LALALALA. i am left with ONE MORE WEEK to timeline. & i haven study yet. ZHIJUN. ONE MORE WEEK EHhaizz. you are not making any effort to study, man. STUDY! feeling so mentally challanged.

我只需要多两分钟，让我遗忘。

2007-11-20T08:59:00.000-08:00

lalala. i am officially posting at a bloody time of 0100. sinyee. yes i am imba. why? cuz after 4&half hours of training, i reach home & finished 2 zuowen & my cmap. IMBA. haha. & i am still wide awake. planning to see if i can wait till my brother comes back from prom. haha. to see how he looks. he left before i came back from training. BLAHH

这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下?

2007-11-20T03:11:00.001-08:00

lalala. suffering from intense pain due to my playing barefooted in the chapel.woke up at 9.30am today because sinyee called me. i was supposed to be up at 8 to go to jurong. but AHHH... zhijun was late AGAIN. haha. when i reached there it was already 10 plus & i started playing with some juniors there. it was okay i guess. not as hiong as i expected. but still, good. i was watching them dance some chinese dance thing & acting like the pirates in the pirates of the carribean, which was pretty LOL but there very cute larr. & sinyee kept saying that the teacher was destroying their image of cute,little girls. LOL.then we went to eat kuay chap which i ate 2 bowls. haha. then rush to training at rvhs. after a while of training it started to rain. HEAVILY & i got totally drenched. then me, yufan & edmund started to train with coach. & kamseng & yunpeng finally return from their romantic walk in the rain. kamseng took off his shoes & started to walk around barefooted. & yufan fell down. HAHAHA. then he took off his shoes too. then sinyee came in all wet & decided to take off her shoes too. then i decided to take off mine & then come yeejin. LOL. so most of us are barefooted except edmund. then we played shen jiang.& when i was against sinyee, i became so excited i STAMPED my barefooted feet on the ground. HARD. & it was so damn pain okay. & my fest is still swollen.

2007-11-17T22:08:00.000-08:00

挑一张耶诞卡写上满满祝福的话
地址写的是心底
你能不能收到它
天有点冷风有点大
城市宁静而喧哗
这一个冬天我得一个人走回家
问自己习惯了吗
没有你每到夜里回声变得好大
有没有什么好方法
让寂寞更听话
你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候
比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长
回忆模糊但巨大
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下
问自己习惯了吗

没有你每到夜里回声变得好大
有没有什么好方法
让寂寞更听话
你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

你最近还好吗
是不是也在思念里挣扎
你说会记得我还记得吗
你最近还好吗
忙碌吗累吗心还会痛吗
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快乐出发

2007-11-17T21:46:00.000-08:00

LALALA. zhijun is feeling abnorml today. considering the fact that i woke up at 12.45 today, i dont know what to say :)been going around & TAGGING. haha. ABNORMAL TO THE EXTREME! drinking bubble tea and trying desperately to suck up the pearls as there are no tea left. LOL. & i can't finish my yee mian UNBELIEVABLE RITE. cant seem to eat nowsaday. & not because i am dieting.& i got my hair cut yesterday. even though i told my mother to say no to me if i told her i want to cut. seems like my mother is a poor opponent. or probably i am just to strong X). got a mushroom cut, with TWO layers cuz i want to leave long & the person say this is the fastest way. so whatever, not like its nice or what. but for once, i try not to really care. going to pon cca on MONDAY. due to the stupid business china thing. well, i rather go cca, to be frank. i know i played horribly on friday. with my calm & relaxed moodLOL. thats like SUPA FARNIE can. i think i scared the juniors, they probably thought i was some mental case. well, i think they are probably use to it le. who ask you come rv huh. no lar, kidding, after sinyee come hit me. LOL. juniors are very nice people. i mean it,man. at least you all are not THAT rude, comparing to some other sec 2 & 1 who totally made me want to scream, " excuse me, are you blind or what. don't you know that you have to be more polite to seniors especially one with terrible mood swings like me!" my juniors don't make me want to do that. so they are nice. :)
i am supposed to do my cmap. but like i care. HAHA. the cmap folder doesnt close on time for my case. dont ask me why. probably some technical error. last time i check which is like yesterday my latent heat one is still wide open. haha. my big headache is zuowen which i totally have a mental block. homework makes me want to murder someone.
oya, going to jurong primary. but not sure of date. even though i have to wake up at some unearthly time, due to people like sinyee with SUPA convincing skills, i agreed. ain't that so wei da of me. haha. but as everyone who know me, i will probably be late for every training. LOL.
got a NEW toothbrush. that is totally cute. haha. makes me want to brush my teeth more. which is good! planning to ask my mom to buy the NIVEA VISAGE facial wash gel which is in a nice shade of blue. heard that its quite good. LOL.
see, told you i am abnormal, i actually tag so long today. LOL
i shall post the lyrics to my blogsong on the next post, cuz the lyrics are nice.
TATA

2007-11-15T19:39:00.000-08:00

haha. i have watched this like TEN times & i still <3 it.
hebe looks damn nice in this and mike he looks absolutely SHUAI.
& the whole thing is just dreamy X)

2007-11-15T04:41:00.000-08:00

changed blog song. cuz i felt emo all over again. LOL. woke up at 1.45 today and was late for training which made me have BAD MOOD. cuz i want to SLEEP. today's training was shit cuz i wass like SOOOOOO OFF. & the guys kept saying that i was so vulgar. & i went like, YOU FIRST DAY KNOW ME ARH. cuz i was like scolding and screaming the f word like every 5 minutes. haha.

heard this song on 斗牛要不要.& thought it was nice. at least it what i want to ask the person,: 你最近还好吗？

2007-11-09T05:35:00.001-08:00

wrote a long angry post but it will not go up here. unless i really become that pissed off. because if it comes up here, there will be no peace anymore. CUZ REALITY HURTS LIKE SHIT. i admit, i am pissed. & why shouldn't i be? i have the damn fucking right to. happy faces, smiles plastered every single time i go for training. i tried. i tried like mad man. it hurts you know. to have your ex best friend telling you to stop it. mistrust. i saw that. so things do change. they change you & they change me. & nothing is going to change that fact.

世界唯一不变的东西是变。你变了。我也变了。变得无法再忍受在你面前强颜欢笑。

2007-11-08T06:21:00.000-08:00

today is a slacker day AGAIN!! haha. wasn't supposed to be but it turned out like that. at least i finished me gong han. i don't get the drift for the lun shuo wen so i totally decided to give up on it & come back tomorrow. & at least i tried my maths worksheet. (:

saw the show shall we dance which reminded me of my ballet days. & yes, keep laughing on how unbelievable that xiao bing is a ballerina. but seeing that show makes me want to kick myself in the facefor quitting ballet when i had only 2 years left to be a certified teacher. KICKS it made me realised how much i missed dancing. how much i missed that huge mirror and the barre. & how much i missed those shoes & skirt.just like how much i missed the piano. quitting really isn't an option. it's just a way of escapement, which we will come to regret someday, if not, the next movement. dancing used to be my dream , my everything & the only thing i was good at. i couldn't draw when i was little, i couldn't even hold a paintbrush the right way (not that i CAN now). DANCING was like everything. until those teasing came about. & i gave up. when i look back now, i realised what a stupid reason it was that made me quit. a totally stupid reason. i gave up an art that made me a talent. even though i know i could not join any real performances due to my scar, but at least, i was still a talent. but i gave it all up. for just one stupid reason.

i never seen myself as someone pretty. & have always looked with envious eyes on others' beauty. & i guess. i shall always be doing so.

2007-11-07T03:06:00.000-08:00

didn't post yesterday cuz
1) i was too busy slacking?
2) my brother was busyspamming maple story

yesterday was carry everything home day. we have to collect our blazers & skirt for the buisiness china thing. BECAUSE people like WEN JIA BAO & LEE KUAN YEW will turn up. so in order to save face for rv, we have to wear them there. & incidentally, i ask huiling to lent me her white blouse & she also wanted to return me my sc tee. so i ended up with BOTH of them yesterday. adding on to this, i cleverly decided to remember to bring my jacket after forgetting for ONE WEEK. & the guides gave out the cookies yesterday. so i have TWO BOXES of macademia nuts cookies with me. my hands were so full and my bag looked like it was going to BURST any second. NICE GOING, MAN!

& no i found out that i do not look like the hongkong actress BOBO CHAN. not one bit. LOL

& i still haven started on my zuowen

2007-11-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

today the most interesting thing i have done is i ate 龟凌膏 till i almost puke! i ate like this whole bowl of it, which is equalivent to that kind of plastic bowl when you da bao. & i finished the WHOLE thing, okay. with that teeny weeny bit of honey. it's BITTER like HELL i tell you. until i wanna cry liao. GOSH! but seriously quite song haha! i am a sicko! X)

now listening to MR PIG, LUO ZHI XIANG bet on it! & it's giving me a headache. LOL

didn't do any zuowen but finished my physics. i seriously think i become MORE guai ever since i came to 3C. i actually finished my holiday homework ON TIME! or even before the deadline! haha. ZHIJUN IS PRO X)

i think it was jack kuan who gave out those keychain with the puzzle which i think was very sweet. cuz all of us have one & the 2 prcs who left also have one. it makes me think of 3C as ONE CLASS! ONE VOICE!

you walked past and kept walking & walking on. you didn't even turn to look back probably cuz you know i was behind. so now i am a big ugly moster trying to eat you up isit? seriously, if that is the case, you think too much and too highly of yourself. you are stil not THAT worthy of my attention.

2007-11-04T06:03:00.000-08:00

hahah.was watching the star search thing and i saw ENERGY performing. & i saw this guy who totally looked like that chairperson from 3I. i forgot what his name was. if you are interested, can go find out for your self!

he is SHUWEI from energy!

look alike rite! haha.
didnt do homework today cuz i was busy eating. SERIOUSLY, one fine day i am going to GROW FAT and start regreting!

2007-11-03T07:55:00.000-07:00

i woke up today at a POWER time of 12.30 pm and watched KIDS CENTRAL till like 3+ before making my way to the library. at the library, amazingly, there were very little people today at the cafe, so i got a seat, drank my love and ate potato chunks AGAIN! even though, they are damn high in CARBO but they are amazingly nice. then, i came home and started on my wave homework, which i struggled with & done like 1/3. later, i finish my cmap on latent heat of fusion and heat capacity & i think i will try to do more zuo wen tomorrow. i have to finish my homework asap in order to MUG for the time challenge thing. & i don't want to do things at the last minute cuz i don't want to miss things i should be going for.

i <3 RVTT sec3 boys & girls. i <3 PEARLY & ROUSI for trying to cheer me up even though i know both of u were afraid of my wrath.i ABSOLUTELY adore KAMSENG & JUNHAO. kamseng was my disowned god-brother and he cheered me up with his spastic movements. & i really regret disowning him cuz i could have gotten a b'dae present. haha. greedy greedy me! & junhao was like totally taking me as a joke!. he said i was wasting the farmers' work cuz i am anyhow-ing hitting and smacking balls which have 0% of getting in or through the net. & i was LAFFING like mad when i heard that & totally just gotten happier :) edmund was also smiling and laffing over unknown things but they cheered me up, considerably!

& i just realised by changing this blogskin i have to type more words or it will look totally empty. my past blogskin was smaller in the post area, so a sentence looked like a PARAGRAPH then. LOL
__________________________________________________________________________________

emo section: (you are welcome NOT to read

am i seriously that invisible? to such a extent, that my existence is totally something that can be taken for granted. i don't know, man. after all those things, i seriously thought i could make myself more visible. but apparently, you have never once noticed me. is it too much, to just ask that you notice me just once? pay attention to me for just once? in your eyes, i never seen myself. it's always the person in front of me, behind me even beside me, but just never me. why?

2007-10-31T03:38:00.000-07:00

hehe, i think rvtt ppl are FARNIE
cuz when they blog about rvtt they have to blog in chinese. haha. so farnie rite. everything about rvtt, especially about some buay song stuff is all in chinese.LOL

lessons were sickening and boring. esp physics. so boring and i totally can't understand anything.

2007-10-27T04:42:00.001-07:00

its my 200th post. LOL. yea. been down these few days over some stuff which doesn't seem to go the way i want them to be. still down. but its getting better.
my results are okay. feeling neutral, nothing nice to boast about, nothing nice to cry about. my life is still happening in a pathethic way, everything is still spinning on. inclusive or exclusive of me.
feeling emo. still planning to feel emo for the next few days.
i gearing up for timeline challenge. MAN, i am going to get into the second round okay. that cash price belongs to ME. ME.& my group members. no one else. hehe. even if i have to cram all about singapore and all its crap, that cash price is going to be worth it.
我不想忘记你。即使要记得所有的悲伤，我不想忘记你。

同样的旋律
播放着同样的记忆
缘分的恶作剧
在黑白之间慢慢延续
沉默变成距离
可能喜欢你是一种寂寞
可能像你是一种困惑
可能你从来没有想起我
可能我不曾在你心里过
但是我会看着乌云耐心等待
等待雨后出现的那段彩虹

2007-10-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

i don't know if what i am going to say is going to affect anyone, but since this is my blog, i suppose i have the right to say what i want.
Hypocrisy disfigures one's face and blind their eyes such as that everyone sees a different side of the same person.
how very true. i am just sick of seeing such hypocrisy going around. remembering the time when i said out all my heartfelt words and perhaps, in her, i was just a clown, making a fool out of myself. able to look at one first and see how friendly they are. but at the next everything changes. their attitude, their thinking, their words. it changes so fast, that i am often caught in suprise and offguard. it just keeps me wondering, is it someting i have done or is every man just so. i don't deny that i myself play with hypocrisy at times, but the time when it appears right in front of your face, it seems so disgusting and unappealing.
i think for now, i shall just shut my mouth up. cuz everytime words come out, ur replies, your actions & your reactions will always be filled with spiteful hypocrisy.
are friends really what i think they are or are they just a bunch of 2 faced monsters? are they really someone whom i can trust?
by which, what exactly are the type of friends i have now?

2007-10-17T06:39:00.000-07:00

YEPPS due to popular demand that xiaobing should update her blog, here goes!
for RVTT B'gals 07, we have 小小一家族
sherry - 小智 (nope, its not 智慧的智，but 智障！X))
sinyee - 小龙女(hehe, due to reasons that cannot be stated, she is called this by ME!!! so creative rite! )
yeejin - 小满(eh... akward reason to why she is called that）
pearly - 小叉 (cuz she is a 母夜叉）
rousi - 小圈（cuz 圆圆圈圈，no link i know, but that;s the reason)
ME! - 小冰 (cuz 冷冷冰冰）
& coach is lao huan tian. hehe, no lar. i pissed then scold him de. training has been hiong ever since after exams, and we hardly slack anymore. EMPHASIS THE HARDLY X)!!!!!
yea.that's all for rvtt! X)

just finish CID presentation and WHOOTS! i am so happy and relieved man. i think we did not bad for the presentation and we were lucky our accesor is miss tan hui zhen. WILLIAM IS A SLACKER!SLACKER! he totally didn't do anything for cid and almost screw up our presentation. CRAP!

exams other than a failur in maths the rest are okay i guess.
&that's the end!

2007-10-06T05:21:00.000-07:00

HEHE. EOYs are over!!! BLEAH. but still got cid :( i know that my eoy is badly done, but at least i tried my best already. every single day of the exam week i sleep for last than 3 hours, waking up at 1am everyday when i sleep at 10pm, just to pia for eoy. so even if i do badly, i can't help it that i am stupid RITE?!? PIAPIAPIA. pia what? hehe. taiwan drama serials!!!! if people out there also like to see, i shall introduce some here X)
there are:
终极一班
终极一家
放羊的星星
恶魔在身边
换换爱
公主小妹
恶作剧之吻1/2
樱桃3加1
i watched all these in 2 weeks eh X) I AM PRO DE CAN!!!!!
hahahahahahahahaha. after exams, suddenly feel so lost, don't know what to do. feel empty and lost inside. but i can watch more shows like that!!! X) going to find more to watch. BYE PEEPS!

2007-09-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

喜欢夕阳，因为那是黎明前的前夕
喜欢简约，因为不喜欢看到事情复杂
喜欢线条，因为很有安全感
喜欢吃，因为觉得有幸福的感觉
喜欢西洋鼓，因为它会赶走任何不愉快
喜欢act emo, 因为很多事情可以伪装
喜欢吃冰欺凌，因为有一种恋爱的感觉
喜欢喝咖啡，因为有苦尽甘来的感觉
喜欢长头发，因为有洋娃娃的感觉
喜欢音乐，因为他们说出我的心声
喜欢高个子，因为觉得那时的世界会比较好看
喜欢画画，因为觉得那是唯一的才华
喜欢变白痴，因为很多事都可以置之不理
喜欢白色，因为认为那是天使的颜色
喜欢看见你，因为觉得你是个天使。

2007-09-02T04:30:00.000-07:00

i just realized. after acting emo for the whole day. i have always been losing. just that i refused to admit it.losing to myself. convincing myself again and again but no avail. that wall of bricks collasped just with that gentle touch.

you're making fall into it all over again

2007-08-21T23:41:00.000-07:00

hehe. one of my personal best other than the secret thing :D did this during cid on thursday during lecture and i cut it out from the notes X)

it's supposed to be called bloody valentine. i know it doesn't look bloddy but it is supposed to. still working on that blood part X)

2007-08-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

it's the weekend..AGAIN. been feeling emo this few days. should be getting a haircut to get rid of the emo-ness. had like 3 tests on thursday. only studied for chem. and didn't study everything. so i don't really know what to say about the tests. i know i will do badly, but for some reason, i don't care. not anymore. at the start of the year, i really had this insane thought that i must really get good grades. & i really studied. but now, even when i look the paper with a mere pass or a drastic fail, all i see in my mind is "i see". nothing else. just 2 simple and meaningless words. WHY?

training on friday was okay. didn't slack but still... i know if i really put my heart to it i can still improve. BY ALOT. cuz i know i haven lost that GODLY touch yet. but for what may i ask? when i hear of cca all i want to do is to go home and sleep. everyday when i wake up in the morning all i want to do is to go back into bed and sleep again. all i want to do is to never wake up. i don't deny, i am running away. from what? REALITY

i never seen myself as a weakling. no matter how badly beaten i am, no matter how many tears i have drop, i alwyas know that there is some part in me that is still determind,resolute and going strong. but i don't know now. i don't know if i am still strong. all i know is that i am shedding more tears for more ridiculous reason. they say you wisen with age. WHAT CRAP. does wisdom come with tears? i don't BLOODY think so. what am i? SOME RIDICULOUS PIECE OF SHIT. where the hell has my pride gone too? can someone tell me?

2007-08-15T04:04:00.001-07:00

finally a blog song X) chu mo by chen wei lian. OKAY i know he is supposed to SUCK and all. BUT BUT BUT. this song is nice.& it's god damn touching. haha. so here it goes X)

2007-08-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

WTH. i can't find my EOM paper. and i can't find an article. WARLOW. god trying to play play with me isit. SIANED.

i actually cannot believe myself. i deleted him from messenger on my birthday when i finally got sick of waiting. OH MY. zhijun, where did you get that srtong determination of yours from. oO. hahha. i think those who knows about this might be real STUNNED!!! i also can't believe. but WHO CARES? it's a good start what X)

2007-08-13T02:27:00.000-07:00

blah. today's lesson was DEAD boring. mrs tan was NOT here again and i am beginning to wonder if i can even attain at least a 10 for my mole test. i seriously do not understand anything about it and i really need a crash course. WAHHH mrs tan, if you look at this by chance or whatever, please come back. i don't want to fail for my chem AGAIN. i swear i will stop eating in your class and talk less to yimin. come back soon. PRETTY PLEASE :D & my DEAR MY ANG!!! where have you been? maybe class 3C should start posting WANTED messages for him. i need you to save my maths. i need you to entertain me during lessons. please get well soon and COME BACK (((:

during WONG's lesson, sinyee and slyvia was like standing outside my classroom and we were talking through air. OBVIOUSLY SILENT. while poor mr wong was talking to the board and a class full of corpses. i think he should just make do with the board, but never mind, and sinyee kept asking me to go to the toilet and so i went. and she gave me this super cute and small keychain, with MY NAME. MY NAME!!!! get it, GOH ZHIJUN. okay, without the GOH, but still, hehe, i'm touched :D and she wrote this letter which was so touching that i almost cried.
*actually, i was just touched lar, i never cry okay(:*
& made yimin JEALOUS, green with envy. yimin is a GREEN MONSTER :P

& i just found out i have CARSICK. YES. the kind when you just feel like vomiting EVERY SINGLE THING in your tummy and feeling like a stupid pregnant woman. hahha. & can you believe that i have been sitting a car since i was 1? or maybe like 1 month.ya, whatever, as long as you get the idea. & just all of a sudden i desperately feel like my head's going to burst and everything is just waiting to be puked out. there must be something SERIOUSLY wrong. hehe

still trying to figure how to do E.O.M. which i totally have no heads or tails of. pulling out strands of hair while doing so!!!! ARGH. and i still have physics. haizz. JIAYOU. gotta go. CHEERIOS (:

2007-08-10T08:18:00.000-07:00

i'm really sorry for those who messaged and i didn't recieved. REALLY SORRY. as you know, i'm a poor chap who can't afford pre-paid cards. and since, my phone is totally broke. hehe. you can't expect it not to have a tiny hiccup in the recieving of messages. but for those people who messaged, thank you for just remembering. i really feel touched. so THANK YOU :D

just another boring day which stupid me didn't realised that today was NOT a public holiday. so i spend my whole day moaning that why the library doesn't open on public holidays until my mother pratically screamed and went, " TODAY IS NOT A PUBLIC HOLIDAY FOR GOD SAKE!!! " at around 3 plus. so i quickly made my way there, and YEAH!!! it's open (:
*(so spastic, i know ((((:)
& i stayed there till around 5.30 to make it back in time to see my
"xin jian qi xia zhuan" and stare into faces of shuai ge-s. haha.
i wanna see SECRET!!! i wanna sink myself into his eyes and stare at his face ALL DAY! okay. why do i sound WRONG? never mind. but i truely MEANT what i said.
that's all for today. CHEERIOS!

2007-08-09T07:31:00.000-07:00

i'm giving you till midnight. today is the day i am totally giving up.

2007-08-09T02:55:00.000-07:00

thanks ppl. or for those who remembered. cuz i woke up at like 11 to find that there were 5 messages on my hp and it didn't ring cuz i put it on silent mode -.-. haha.
to the people:
JASLIN - thanks man. and u sent it like at 12.18am. made me so 感动at first until i realised i didn't know who you were cuz i didn't put ur number on my hp. haha. but thanks!! (:
HUIEN- thank you ((((: u still owe me one XD
SERMING - i didn't know you had a handphone. but i don't think that's the point. THANKYOU!
WANTING - 干妹thankyou for remembering
JUDITH　－ another　干妹　thankyou for remebering too
YIMIN - THANKYOU((:
some annoymous which i haven figured out who it is - thankyou anyways
ROUSI - i <3 you too.
MELISSA - thanks for the FILA shoe bag
JENNINGS- thanks for remembering

however, the person i want to hear those words from. where are you. & do you remember?

2007-08-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

some pics i did :

2007-08-05T05:24:00.000-07:00

i dunno what to say

2007-08-01T03:47:00.000-07:00

yah yah. i haven update for a super long time and i am still stuck with my OBS post. i shall try to finish it by this week (: been super busy this few weeks and the only reason i get to use the com was the fact that i had to do GPP. which is so -.- my poor life has been dominated by tests and more tests. my maths was 20/40 which was pathethic cuz i was suppose fail. but dear mr ang squeezed one mark out for me. and my bio, all i can say is KISS GOODBYE. i look at the paper and all i want to do is to tear it up. and for physics, if i had time. TIME. i wouldn't make so MANY STUPID MISTAKES. WAHHHHHHH!!!! where's my life gone?

something i did when dora lee was busy shooting out her sacarsm towards the PRCS:

2007-07-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

BACK FROM OBS (: haha i know i abit slow. it's been TWO days since i have been back. been sleeping throughout these two days and going to RJC for the ASEAN competition :D
now, i am going to put a super long post:
firstly, my watch: RAFFLES!!!!
WHOOHOO. raffles seriously ROCK (:
the RAFFLES-IANS:

first row from left:
yifei,charlotte,shelia,ayesha,joanne,alena,shuhui,dodo & JONATHAN(:
second row from left:
ME,merwyn,wilfred,zhiyong,zihao,hengyi,guanqun,bingsin
we are all from either 3L or 3C, pardon me if i got ur names wrongly, cuz my memory is si bei bad one.

1st day:
3C set off from school to the bus to UBIN (: and we were all comparing our bags to see who brought the most stuff and how heavy it was. me and huien got seperated from the rest of 3Cs and had to go on another bus with the 3As. but it was okay.cuz we still crapped along the way :D then when we reached punggol, that super WULU place, 3C which were one of the FIRST to reach was one of the last to leave. we were obviously VERY bu shuang, and started moaning like mad when the instructors let others leave first. we were also spamming mosquito repellent and sunblock there. when we FINALLY could leave,(luckily we were not the last, the last was 3H),we sat on the boat and chugged to UBIN campsite 2. i was damn fascinated by the white waves the boat made and kept staring & staring & staring & staring. haha. then when we reached the jetty and got off the platform, i felt i was swaying like mad. at first i thought it was me. THEN, who knows, it was the platform that was moving by itself. LOL. then we went to the MPH(multi purpose hall) to assemble. and i found out that i was in RAFFLES. at that point of time i was so sad. cuz i didn't see anyone i knew in RAFFLES. then SE-CARLY, shelia asked if i was in RAFFLES, turns out she was there too (: CHARLOTTE also. haha. but the rest like all don't know de, other then the other PRCs. and we found out our mascot was a KIWI. we had to go pack the stores and take our bottles and fill them and pack our food box and stuff.... we also had to settle the ics(which i have forgotten other then sheila was the first day, charlotte was second, and i was the third. food was dodo. i think water was merywn. and TRASH was ZHIYONG. haha. i can remember trash cuz we kept throwing our rubbish at him (:). we had to do our tree and stick leaves with thoughts on them and we got to cut out different type of shapes for our tree which was very interesting.then we went to do trust fall. and we all had to take out hard objects like pins and watches and stuff. and charlotte was complaining cuz she had FIFTEEN pins on her head. and she took such a LONG TIME getting them all out(:. trust fall was fun, i remembered bingsin was the heaviest cuz i almost fell when he fell. mr suria did trust fall too (: then belaying. my group was shelia,charlotte, yifei and ME:D i remembered belaying for charlotte and she kept screaming and i kept panicking. cuz i didn't really know how to belay and i as like flying OFF the ground. and charlotte was still screaming. i really felt SUPER RELIEVED when she came down. haha. then we went to set our tents which we did individualy which took along time, which were all the way into the forest and had SO MANY insects. you all must be imaging how CHARLOTTE survived right. NO WORRiES,by that time we went up it was super dark and you can't see anything in front of you unless you shined a torch light. the food we cooked was rice which tasted FARNIE cuz it was like rice and porridge mixed X), baked beans and peanuts. i didn't really feel like eating and only ate a little. i mean, A LITTLE okay. like about 15 mouths??!!?? then we went to bathe and while walking down that long flight of stairs from the field, i really felt like crying cuz i relly missed home ALOT. plus i felt DAMN sick and tired and had the feeling my whole body will collapse in any second. and the thought that we were ONLY going home in another FOUR DAYS TIME really made me want to cry.but luckily there was the rest of RAFFLES, which complained together with me and made me feel better. after bathing, we had our circle where we discussed stuff that happened and our thoughts. then we were late for the circle cuz we were ABIT slow. and i really meant ABIT. and ayesha,alena and joanne were missing. so JON scolded us and wanted us to go find them before meeting him again. so we were all in low spirits and found them up at the cooking area. when we met him again, he told us stories about teamwork and sharing cuz our team was SUPER LENG from the start. then we had fire drill. then lights out. which was around 11. and we made our way into the forest while complaining and moaning and groaning WHY WE WERE NOT AT THE FIELD. and the stupid ground had so many holes in them i can't even find a comfortable spot to put my head into. yifei brought a sleeping mat which was so much more comfortable. however, still painful. and we kept waking up every hour. which kind of sucked. then i changed my position from a lying down one, to one which i crossed my leg and slept which my head touching my leg. YES, the same pose i had at RVTT camp. SO POWER RIGHT! haha. and that is the end of DAY ONE :D

2nd DAY
after keeping our tents and waking at an unearhtly hour, we went back down again. and ate breakfast which was bread. washed up and started packing our stuff for the activities. and went to meet JON for PT. and we joined LIVINGSTONE and SHACKLETON and CHENG HO i think for PT. which was pretty fun.and we started on our journals which i totally spammed after the five days. which looked like this:

TOTAL SPAM (: haha
then we had ROCK WALL (: which the boys showed how power they were by climbing all the way up. AND OF COURSE, SHEILA the musclewoman. she almost finished the whole thing.SO POWER. i only did like HALF WAY. haha. but it was a nice experience.and i remebered alena's SOLE was coming out halfway. JON told us that we should help set up everyone tents to enable more efficient work. which reminded me of DIVISION OF LABOUR which reminded me of BIOLOGY which reminded me of TESTS. HAIZZ... i have such good mind mapping skills. then after getting bitten by thousands of mozzies and getting a complement that i was TOO SWEET, we went down to get ready for our kayaking and eat our lunch. lunch was bicsuit and more biscuit and maybe bread. and then we packed out stuff which was quite messy cuz the store was so pathetically small.and we finally got ourselves ready and went to meet jon and nadia which taught us how to kayak. and then we had capsize drill. with charlotte and shelia. and we were the fastest to finished it. so happy(: and we placed our bags on the speed boat liao so cannot get sunblock. and nice shuan lent us his which like over 7 people spammed :D LOL. THANKS SHAUN then we set out before changing charlotte with jaslin cuz shaun's de kayak cannot balance cuz the weight abit TOO even le. and we started kayaking over to the granite quarry. which was quite okay.me,dodo,shuhui,yifei,ayesha,alena and forget who went to change and we couldn't find the so called toilet which was just a place with alot of grass. so we walked all the way up while complaining and complaining. then we helped get all the stuff ready and set our tents. THIS TIME, we did what JON wanted us to do and we all helped. and we set up 4/5 tents. we had to use rocks to stabilise the tents cuz the tent pegs can't even get in the ground due to all the rocks. then we had MAGGI and i think some other side dish like mushroom and sausage for dinner which i totally had no appetite. and ate like 3 mouths. then we went for briefing for the sea expedition and our leaders were wilfred and zhiyong. then we went back to our campsite and JON scolded us for not setting up the last time. he said that since we brought 5 then we should set up 5. so all of us set up the last one withnin 10 mins. SO POWER RITE haha. then we went to wash the untensils with sea water and dodo and shuhui kept thinking that some rock was our spoon. and we were all wonderign should we go down to get it. the dodo said, do we have all. and i went like, i think so. then dodo said, DON"T GO LAR. i am not going to get my feet wet for someone else spoon. and i was LAUGHING like mad when i heard that. hahaha. then we later found out that it was actually a shiny rock. haha. RAFFLES decided to put all our stuff inside dodo's tent cuz they only got 2 person inside. so we started moving and finished it fast.then we went to sleep. which was even more uncomfortable due to the stupid rocks. we woke up at 1 plus and took a poncho and went out to join the guys on sentry. outside was so shuang can. not hot at all. and we could hear the guys crapping about coffee bean and all. then they were like eh got shooting stars. u all got see not. they were talking to us. but we were all so lazy to open our eyes and mouths we ignored them and they thought we fell alseep le. and thats was the end of DAY 2

3rd day
i woke up at the incessant shouting of vulgarities from yonghong and felt quite pissed cuz that night was the only night we managed to get some sleep. WARLOW.however since the rest woke up already,i went to help unpitch the tent and get ready all the life vest and bag packs. charlotte and dodo wanted to eat their medicine so we went to find the instructors. however, the instructors all haven't wake up yet. then we went to eat our breakfast which was bread biscuit and more bread. later when ALL the instructors and teachers woke up, we started our journey. all the kayaks were in the sea and all the bag packs were on the other campsite already. our navigator who was wilfred and dunno who were leading in front. we paddled like mad and finally was about to reach our reststop when the bad news came. there was a HEAVY STORM COMING. so even though our hands were aching like mad and all we wanted to do was to fall down and die, we paddled even faster to avoid the storm. heavy rain drops as fat as little stones were rushing down on us already. sheila, charlotte, shaun, shuhui and me shared one poncho together and while waiting for the rain to stop, we got out our "prized possesions" which was our FOOD. there was APOLLO and some wheat biscuit thing. we rested on a place which was like a beach, so the whole place was filled with sand. and of course, our whole hands and feet and face and hair was filled with sand too! but who cares, we all put our sandy fingers inside and started eating. and i have to say, the food never tasted better (: then the rain and wind was getting too big and one poncho could hardly cover any of us. so we spilted into 2. me, sheila and charlotte. shuan and shuhui. our group all fell asleep while holding on. haahha. cuz we were reallly like super tired and super cold. then the rain stopped. but all of us were feeling very cold. and there was something wrong with esther. however, the instructor said that there was another storm coming, and we had to move fast to avoid the storm. i was busy helping the rest with the ponchos because the ponchos didn't seemed to be able to get in the bags. and i was holding on the ponchos like some idiot with a bag on my feet for 10 mins cuz i was waiting. THEN. dexter came along and helped me carry the bag and ponchos up the speed boat. hahahha.that was damn touching okay. never mind. then we rafted up and prepared our u turn journey back to campsite 1. our tri yak was totally slacking the whole way and eating also. the instructors also gave our warm MILO (: but stop after like 3 bottles. later jon said was bacause someone told him we were playing with the bottles by throwing them into the sea. LOL. no lar, we were only passing them to one another :P. i remembered shelia throwing PRUNES in the water to pass to the rest who wanted. and i was laffing like mad (:. then we were like playing around and eating. when we finally reached campsite 1. RELIEVED. cuz my whole arms felt that they were dropping off. when the rest unpitch the tent, they didn't put fly sheet. so okay. we didn't really mind too. i, shelia and charlotte and yifei didn't help cuz we were wasjign the vests.as long as it was not going to rain. there was this big commotion as we lost our blue tub. and after like half and hour of screaming and shouting that who has seen it, we found it at one of the washing areas. we went to bathe before this and waited damn long cuz there was only THREE cubicles. so pathetic. sheila was the POWER one. she bathe inside the normal toilet cubicle without the showerhead and all those. hahaa. so pro(: the third day was the best cuz we had proper food and proper chairs and tables. and the food was damn nice. trust me (:. it was curry chicken, fishcake and some cabbage thing with soup. and supper was green bean soup which was nice too. then we went to sleep. which was also one of the best cuz i totally didn't wake up throughout at all. and that's the end of day 3.

2007-07-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

alot of things happened this week. being emo all over again and all. BUT HEY,the good thing i realised is that my people skills improve.SO COOL (: only had one cca this week due to SPEECH DAY rehearsal. we get to go off at 1pm on CCA days due to rehearsals. SO GOOD(:

i remember when i just see people walking off the streets. everywhere. anywhere. and you can just still stand there. feeling still so alone. so cold. so unfamilar. when i always see this kind of scence in the movie or film, where they take this person standing in the middle of a crossroad, and streams of people are moving past the protagonist in streams. the protagonist just stands there, looking lost. i kind of always feel i understand. because it's a feeling of being unaccepted. i think everyone has this period in their life. when they see people talking in groups and you are all alone, you feel afraid. and when they start looking and laughing, you always feel that they are laughing at you. it's just this kind of feeling i feel right now.

i think i am in seriously need of attention. sick of being just a nobody. but i don't want to be notorious either. don't see anything positive about it. why am i so sadistic???

QUOTE OF THE DAY: slow down in the race of life and maybe you can see that you can hear the splattering of the rain, the rustle of leaves and just the beauty of it all.

2007-07-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

today had cca. as usual:BORED. but since we get to go off at 1pm due to the speech day rehearsal (thank you to people) we went to eat. when i mean "WE", i mean me, yeejin, sinyee, pearly and rousi. i ate jap food (X. then we went see see. i bought this pouch (*points to pic*)

it looks funny cuz i scanned the pouch in X) too lazy to go find camera le. haha. but isn't it nice. SAY ITS NICE OKAY! i am going to put a wishlist. SOON.

i dont understand what is going on. it's that what i am to you? a spare tire? i don't need any of your pity. not once. not ever.

2007-07-08T01:32:00.000-07:00

library. AGAIN pretty short trip cuz i had to come back pia homework. LOL who ask me yesterday never touch. its all my fault lar. i ate 2 popiah before leaving. DAMN NICE. but they raise the price. so its like $1.20 now for one. actually the price is okay lar, but since they raised it i think everyone will feel its ex. didnt have mocha or potato wedges today. cuz the cafe was FULL. YEPS. saw some quiz on some random person block on where would u want to meet your first love. AND i got the answer. YEPPS.the ?LIBRARY. haaha. i am a crazy library fan (X

still getting messed up over mole concept. dont understand anything. HOLY CRAP. bio also. and there is going to be a test. WARLOW. and my brother keeps wondering why u haven seen transformers yet. LIKE I FREE LIKE THAT. you go scholl for me i surely go see de. X)

QUPTE OF THE DAY:
明智的人决不坐下来为失败而哀嚎，他们一定乐观地寻找办法来加以挽救。

2007-07-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

TOUCHED. why? because of my brother. he told me he was going to drink water. i thought he wanted to go buy so i asked him buy for me. he said no, i going downstair drink plain de. i said ok. after a while, he came up with 2 bottles of coke. one each. free. yea. i'm very touched. its been so long since he was like that. he used to ask money from me each time i ask him buy. this time its different.

this is the video i was talking about in my previous previous previous post. < i think so. go see if you are free. its only like 3 mins. and its grauranteed NICE.

NO QUOTE OF THE DAY, cause i already gave one in my previous post which was also written today.

2007-07-07T02:05:00.000-07:00

just came back from the library. i didn't really want to. but had to anyway. i love the library. it is always so peaceful and it can make it forget anything. everything. just like i am in another world. like dancing. makes me feel calm and happy. just for that moment.

today had training in the morning. i was late for an hour. almost didn't want to go but remembered pearly and rousi promised that they will go today. so i dragged myself up and went for training. luckily i did. cuz they were only 4 people today. including me. apparently no one else for the guys turned up 'cept for yufan. pathethic,i know. but it was still fun. because of pearly and rousi. then just before the end of cca, we went to buy and fill water.then, the auntie want to treat coach with "cheng ting". who knows that by the time we went back, coach left le. then the three of us started pushing the "cheng ting" around.haha.

yesterday, on the way to school on the bus. i saw someone who looked exactly like him (*points at pic*)

SHUAI ANOT!!!! my gawd. i almodt died when i saw him. looks damn alike. like those very quiet, very gentle de. i think he JC or UNI le bah. LOL. but still, important point is he shuai (:

原来我还是那么笨，那么傻。还是忘不了。时间，需要时间。。。

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
莎士比亞說：人們可支配自己的命運　若我們受制於人那錯不在命運　而是在我們自己
our own destiny is in our hands, treasure that and make the best out of it

2007-07-04T05:35:00.001-07:00

WRESTLING with my printer now. SO FARNIE RITE. why me arh? because in the entire family only i know how to install printer. FRIGGING lar. i sit here for half a day just to figure out how the printer works. LOL & this hp printer hates me okay. it gives every stupid direction in CHINESE. how the hell am i supposed to know what its saying? WORSE. its in fan ti zi. someone please shoot me !!!!

went to school today. and GUESS WHAT?!?! we changed PLACES!! now i sit with yimin and yifu. in front still got melmel and huien. MY GAWD! so nice XD. like that talk also not so 辛苦 le, anot if want to talk still must stretch here stretch there. haha.

IMPORTANT NEWS OF THE DAY: i ~~finally~~ FINISHED my SS PROJECT. how freaking cool is that?!?! WAHHHHH... so shuang. don't need worry about it anymore. and it got THAT WOW FACTOR which i am currently very obsessed with.
WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!WOW!
HOLY PPL. that's so gay!!!

QUOTE OF THE DAY: sometimes we don't have to try so hard to get what we want. however, it is important that we still TRY

2007-07-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

MIGRANE AGAIN. pain pain pain!!!! WTH lar. .\/.
just ate that medicine and think of HOMEWORK, my head pain again. LOL

emo again. because i went to see chienying's blog and saw this youtube video which was very touching. (sorry. but apparently my copy and paste thingy is not working cause it doesnt allow me to copy and paste the URL, go chienying blog bah, go from sinyee de which i took from jennings de: www.-paperclouds.blogspot.com X))

the girl is VERY LUCKY. i mean, what kind of guy will write to his "enemy in love" and tell him all about what he should take note of the girl? okay lar. it's not like he is willing to die for the girl and all. BUT STILL. THUMBS UP FOR THE GUY X) i know if any girl watch that video they will wish that they will have a guy who LOVE <3 them so much (:
*i know i wish for that :D

QUOTE OF THE DAY: 爱是学会让对方幸福。如果只想独占他给你的爱，那也是爱，但是，是自私的爱。
if you are willing to let go to grant the other happiness, you really love him/her from the bottom of your heart. However, if all you want is to have ALL the LOVE he/she gives, that is still love, but it's selfish love. (MEANING: it will not have a happy ending)

2007-06-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

MR LEE HAS LEFT RV!
so sad. he was a really a very good teacher and he really cared for us when he was 2d'06 form teacher. he went through the 3Ps with us thrice in one year and made us remember it by using up lessons and lessons. he was always patient with us and always encouraged us to do our best. he paid for the huge cake we bought for spencer the babies that time. he never scolded us before. only ONCE. and that was due to the fact that we were actually in the wrong. he never given up on us. not once. he trusted us. i can never forget the time when he told us not to cry on teambuilding day.he help us get a bus to let us go to the airport in time to see spencer. even though, yes, he can be annoying and seem that he has an bombastic ego, we all know that he really didnt mean it. he was just trying to make himself more interesting. he was the BEST english teacher and form i ever had in rv. and even when he left, he gave us BROWNIES AND CUPCAKES to eat. which i had TWO X). THANK YOU MR LEE!! <3

i started reading old blog posts of sm blogs and others. i realised my name was always said when it was something bad. i suddenly feel that i have been a real bitch the whole year and acting like a spoiled brat. except that a spoiled brat has to be rich. which i am not! yea. i know to some ppl i am just this girl which is unreasonable and all. but perhaps you never knew that i had a huge demand for attention. i always feel insecure, everywhere and anywhere. well, seem that my blog is always dead so i dont mind saying it out. only a few know about this. and about my attitude, i think i am starting to improve considerably. not that i am saying i am totally like attidute-edless, just that i don't flare up so often. i will keep trying, because i know no one can help me except me.

QUOTE OF DAY: no perfection can be attained ~~with~~ WITHOUT imperfection

P.S. i am sorry ms li jie for shouting that day. i should have remembered the status difference and spoke with respect and more manners. if you ever see this, i am sorry.

2007-06-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

first day of term 3. kinda of sucked because i kept wanting to fall asleep and i was always super hungry X) physic change teacher le. no more mr suria and no more "OKAYS". now is some mr wong, he looks ok lar. just that he talk i can sleep. homework!!! alot haven do yet. LUCKILY got extended deadline. anot i REALLY will die de. and my muscles still ache from rvtt camp. DAMNATION.

能不能听你说一次喜欢我。我只想沉浸在自己的梦幻中，不想出来。

2007-06-23T21:17:00.000-07:00

BACK FROM RVTT CAMP. and my whole muscle like dropping off like that. my whole body aching like mad. and my fingers hurt. so when i type got alot of error. PAIN SIA. for immediate detials of the camp go see sinyee's blog. i dunno how she manage to do it, cuz even now i still not in clear state of mind. the most memorable part of the camp was i got electrocuted. by what? sherry's almost decomposing christmas lights. and NO. i am not another JESSICA MASTRANI even though i really prayed very hard. i gotta go pia homework le. details save when i am more awake.

2007-06-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

i am MAJORLY pissed. shal i stress the word MAJORLY? today, i took up sinyee's well given advice to go buy glam clothes on that day wheni was supposed to do my projects. sure, melissa they all complained about it and i explained why. they accepted my explanation and even agreed to go with me. we wasted around 3 hours of my project doing time to shop for my clothes and still didnt find any. so, after our project doing, we went back again to scout for more. at that point of time it was already 6. when i FINALLY could agree on something and was paying for it, SURPRISE, sherry sms-ed me to say they are wearing fbts. i paid $30+ for that clothes. i wanted to use that money to get a ROXY wallet. but WHEE! i wasted it on a clothes that was not even used for. and the ironic thing is that i had to recieve the DAMN SMS when i was paying half way for it. and my mother just scolded me for buying clothes again.
i dont want to be involved in the stupid dance anymore. its making sick enough as it is. i just want to be someone in charge of hall deco. i just want to be doing my part.i haven packed yet fyi. i am planning to pack in the morning when i finaly wake up. i dont even want to set an alarm. just let my internal alarm clock wake me up at this rate, it should be around 10. maybe i shall not even go. i dont know. it depends on my last minute decision.

2007-06-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

leaving for training later. i dont even want to go. not even the camp. why? i feel useless and tired of it. i know its supposed to be for rvtt. but what has rvtt done for me? other than making me feel so god damn miserable and sick for the past 2 years, i dont see what else it has done. and if u want to say what about the happy times, i might just tell you truthfully that it was just a facade. a big whole lie. we all know those where so rare, even though we are a team. A TEAM. seems ironical to say it like that. perhaps i should say we are sand. just passing through time in our own way. i hardly understand ANYTHING anymore. friends or no friends? team or no team? everything keeps changing in front of me. so fast. so sudden. why can't ppl make up their minds about what they plan to do. one minute, we can all be so angry. and the next minute can be seen with you just making up. you can act cold on one day, and suddenly hot on the other. you say you have a mood. MAN i totally agree. but why can you be the only one with one. when i have one, you say i am ap-ing. it doesn't make sense. really.

2007-06-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

i am frigging tired. i am sick of this whole damn world, the camp and everything. why? SIMPLE. because all of this frigging things suck. they SUCK to the core. i don't see any meaning in living this life anymore when all i am doing is living in self denial. I HATE EVERY FRIGGING ONE OF YOU! don't give me all that bullshit about responsibility and consequences, you frigging ASSHOLES. if that really mattered as much as you want them to be, you wont be even sitting here. nothing is real. NOTHING. those fantasy about everything is in good order where EVERYONE is basically living in peace and LALA LAND, that was the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard. YOU WANT ME TO LET GO. then why the hell did you scream all those bullshit in my face the past few weeks. i really dont understand. CONGRATS IN MAKING ME ALL CONFUSED.

2007-06-18T06:10:00.000-07:00

i seriously dont know what to say other than its too late. its still too late. if you have said that a month ago, i think everything will be alright by now. but when you were gone, i realy seen alot of things with different eyes. i could still live, i found out, without you. being alone has never in my eyes been so joyful to me. you have become something i dont know how to face and dont know how to talk to. when i talked with sinyee and jin, at least they listened. at least what they came out with was something that i knew mattered to not only them but me too. but with you. i dont how to say something that made at least some sense to me but seemed perfectly alright to me. we are both on different freqeuncies,on different language. perhaps what sinyee said was right, its time to stop being so over dependent on friends. its time to grow up. there is always sometimes when you want to say something to someone, but after a whole day, you find that nothing comes out. NOTHING. that is how bad it has become. it is pretty obvious that we no longer can play it out. we no longer fit anymore. NO LONGER.

2007-06-16T06:54:00.000-07:00

i realised something over watching MEAN GIRLS. and ITS SO TOTALLY TRUE. i mean, so what if you got all that looks and all that brains when all you got inside is just a suber uber BITCH? SEE. it totally sucks if that happens. LOOKS matter. but not THAT much. your personality and characters matter so much more than that. if you look at a girl with those FAB figure and hair and all you can think about is I WISH I COULD BE LIKE HER. THEN stop that THOUGHT. FAB ppl like those arn't the QUEENS of the world. their personality doesn't much up to a PRINCESS either.so it totally doesn't matter if you looked just like me or fell just like me, because in EVERY girl that is something that she can just feel PROUD of.

2007-06-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

i have like 10 tons of homework that i haven complete yet and there are only NINE days to the first day of school. WHEE! seriously, someone should bang the RV in charges' heads into the wall. i think the whole school doesn't mind at all.
do you ever feel that in your life your mood tends to revolve around that one person? yeah, i felt it recently, which kind of SUCK. it seems that you don't want to talk about it, yet you feel happy to talk about it. Being a total OXYMORON, i know. that's just like what sinyee will say, pretty nice. i think it's just the start of the end of forgetting. and i know it will disappear pretty soon. WILL IT?

she's back.

2007-06-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

HEYS! have pics that are "cope" from sinyee's blog. its about the treat at cafe cartel and celebrating coach's burfdae. TODAE IS HIS BURFDAE BY THE WAY XD!

yangling covering his eyes for the surprise. and him with his farnie movements (:

now change person (WILSON)cuz yangling was busy doing things with the cake

YEAH! his cake! its banana chocolate from SECRET RECIPE! LOL. so huge rite. i looked at it i felt the calories rising under my skin! o.O

ALL OF US who went (: fuhua and rvtt PEEPS (: & yangling & wilson

coach blowing off the CANDLES on his humongous burfdae cake!

HIM cutting the cake with very GUAILAN actions XD

COACH opening his b'dae present which was actually a plane model that yangling and sinyee they all went to buy.

AMANDA making GL actions back at him. i think she did he while he was talking to someone.

rvtt-ians who went that day. why i looked like i wasnt looking at the camera? that is cuz i was not. i was talking to coach and they took it /:

FUHUA PEEPS!

2007-06-14T05:19:00.000-07:00

HEY PEEPS! hahaz... sudden randomness. my muscles ache like mad lor. cant even walk without hobbling. oh. todae had training, thats why it hurts twuce as much /: today wilson came for training. actually i already there is a high chance he might come, becuz they got friendly with gess today. didnt go because WE always have a long day for training. fekt damn EMO today. must be becuase of what happened yesterday night. i felt really sick and just wanted to cry. haizz... i cant think that much now. i dont have the time. not anymore

我努力的仰着脸孔
试着眼泪不往下流
别往下流
不安的感觉到什么
在我生活中不再相同
很不相同
想要说
却还沉默
伸出手
无法触碰
天空突然一片辽阔
原来你是真的已经离开我
在我不熟悉的世界过新的生活
闭上眼让泪水滑落
此刻你已真的永远离开我
在另外一个没有我的世界
自由的走

2007-06-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

原来你是真的已经离开我在我不熟悉的世界过新的生活
i dont feel the same. i dont why. i think 2 years fo forgetting has numbed my memories and my heart. i dont feel the excitement. all i feel is relief. and disappointment. i really dont know you anymore. this shows how important it is to communicate. i can be very SURE to say this, you no longer hold a place in my heart or memories. THANKYOU

2007-06-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

YEA! went cafe cartel with rvtt gals and fuhua ppl to eat. COACH'S treat!!! (: i finally got my legendary butterfly bat! HAHAZ. it cost 120 bucks ok! but also not i pay so never mind de. XD i can't wait to try it out.
Cafe cartel was like so cheap and filling. i could hardly finish the whole set meal. it was so huge lor. still got ice cream de. plus we celebrated COACH's birthday with this banana chocolate cake at sweet recipe and with his present. i didnt eat the cake cuz the banana kind of turned me out. but i heard from zhixuan and carmen that it was NICE! (: hahaz. also, i am on a diet lar. don't want to get too fat. my mother watch me on tv yesterday and said i looked fat. FOR GOD SAKE, my own mother eh, maybe i really fat le lar. i told shibin that my friend said she looked chio. she replied that the person must be blind -.-. LOL. but she really does look chio lar. ITS A FACT, BABY. amanda also looked damn chio. MY, she was like so outstanding. THUMBS UP TO HER! hahaz. wilson looked shuai lar. he so tall le. but i taller XD. LOL. after sinyee say i flower idiot again. yups, then i went home and sleep. then eat CRAB. my gawd, damn nice (:

i keep missing the chance to just talk to you. i dun noe why but suddenly all my attempts look stupid and even more, foolish. i wonder why?
end of story le. cuz i dunno wad to sae.

2007-06-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

HEYHEY! lol. dunno why so high. i slept like at 3am last night,after seeing the jacky wu show on channel u and reading 2 jessica mastrani books. and i am wide awake at 10.30am this morning. GOSH, i slept for 7 hours plus, reasonable lar. Later i still have to go over to mel there for eril assgn. God, my life sucks. its a sunday and i am stuck with homework.
THE DECISION I FINALLY MADE: yes. i should ask him go.
Oh yeah, can some person tell u the addy for asknlearn in my tagboard. i am quite sick of unabling to get and screaming at my com. thankx

2007-06-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

结铃人需系铃人 one down. another to go.at least i setteled one. one that i owe him far too much. its the least that i can do by reassuring him that he must come to the camp. even though i have to use the i have a boyfriend lie again. the other one, i am not sure what to do. maybe i should just ask sinyee to decide for me XD

2007-06-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

if life is going to be full of possibiltities, why haven't i seen them? Are you telling me they are hidden deep down inside? iam seriously in a state of serious confusion. i can even get if i am lying to myself or not. do i want him to come or not? ehh... actually i don't know eh. same question, same answer for the past 100 times. i got so preoccupied with this question i find that i have been sitting in front of the computer for around 2 hours? I NEED AN ANSWER! can someone like make the chioce for me? i still have another thing i am supposed to solve. since its all my fault anyway. GOD, why is my life so pathethic?

2007-06-06T02:34:00.000-07:00

i am very tired. totally shacked out. i have 5 hours of training straight today and yesterday and i have to look at her face and act like nothing happened.
i was late for going there today. coach let me sleep in the chapel and i overslept. i went there with a bu shuang face with a junior. i saw her sitting down there with a face that looked like she wanted me to go on my knees and beg for forgiveness. Obviously, i totally ignored her and slammed my bag and started to manke way to get a chair. She said “站住”. that must be her favourite phrase. i turned around and went yea? she said 你看到老师为什么没有和她打招呼？你这是什么态度？so i looked at her in the eye and said 李老师好！man, was i pissed. then she asked me why i was late. so i said, "睡着了". apparently, for someone who teaches chinese she doesn't understand a three word sentence. she made me say it in one whole sentence with a 对不起。i told the whole damn thing to her looking at the wall behind her and she said i must look at her and repeat after her. 对不起，李老师，因为我睡着了所以迟到了，我应该三点半就来，不应该四点才来。还有我不应该慢慢州过来应该快快。对不起。” i was looking at her like she was mental, and i slowly said the whole damn thing and purposely telling her half way 对不起啊李老师，我忘了刚才应该说什么。”apparently she herself forget so she just ask me say sorry again. then we had competition which totally sucked. not only boring but i had to see her damn face looking at me. luckily, i am short sighted so she just look like a pile of blur mud to me. seriously i was bored out lar. then halfway, pearly rousi came and wanted to past me the homework. lijie came and asked them why they were here and chased them out.i think when they were out of the hall they were still talking about her, cuz i heard someone screaming asshole very loudly and i was like OMG, super funny. yea, thats the thing about my two stupid days when i had to see that bitch's face. i totally can't wait for holidays trainings to be over.

2007-06-04T20:06:00.000-07:00

FUCK. I am feeling so PISSED OFF with her irritating behavior. She made me cry. Made ME cry. And not because i was so afraid, but because of the fucking fact that I couldn't just shout in her face, "Shut the hell up, you bitch!". Seriously, vulgar but effective. But I just couldn't do so.
Like you said, i MUST go over, i didn't have a choice. I told you it’s my cca, obviously I have a choice. You said, in your cca, you must listen to the teacher, which is me, obviously, so you don’t have the freedom. WHAT THE FUCK! Then I said, FINE, then I quit this cca, right now, on the spot. And I walked into the chapel, grabbed my stuff and made my way home. But NO, she couldn’t stop there, she was like screaming，“站住” throughout the whole way. LIKE I freaking care. Then on the chapel steps, she was like ZHIJUN 你给我站住。Man, I regretted stopping and turning around. She started saying first.
“Can we have a nice talk about it.”
“Obviously, we have nothing nice to talk about.”
“What kind of attitude is this? I am your teacher. And where are you going now?”
“I am going home.”
“It’s still cca period, you can’t leave as you wish. You don’t have the right or freedom to.”
“Okay ,fine then. I shall just quit this stupid damn thing and I am free already right. Since now, I no longer belong to this cca.”
“You can’t, because as your cca teacher, I don’t allow you to.”
“Fine, then I shall talk to the school.”
“I represent the school, so talk to me. If you have the guts, go change a school.”
“Why not? What the hell do you want from me. You don’t let me quit. You don’t let me stay. What the hell do you freaking want?” Only I didn’t say freaking. If you get the idea. And basically shouted at this part.
“What kind of attitude is this. Who gave you the permission to shout? I am your teacher, you must respect me. Anyway, do you think you are the only one with a temper?” She shouted back.
“I never once thought so.”
“Zhijun, your own coach wants you to come over. Your own coach.”
Oh my, seriously, when I heard this I was super pissed. “ RIGHT, my own coach. Unless he said that right in front of my face and told me to go over, maybe I would. However, if I didn’t want to, I still won’t go over.”
And according to YEEJIN, she went into the chapel, demanded my coach to say that he wanted me to go over and dragged him to the staircase.
Throughout the whole period, I was feeling pretty bored so I took out my handphone and started playing games. Lame, I know. But hey, I was bored.
Then out came the two of them. And my coach started to say, why don’t you go over, you can benefit from it. Obviously, with HER standing right there. I looked at him straight in the eyes, and saw that he was blinking terribly towards her. And all I could think of was, YOU BITCH, WTH DO YOU FUCKING WANT! Basically I ignored the whole conversation until I heard HER ask coach you want her to go over, correct? And coach replied, of course, but if she doesn’t want to then I have no choice. Then I looked up from staring at ants crawling around and said, SEE, if I want to. Then he said, anyway in November you all going over. THEN, I practically screamed then wait till then lar. Apparently, SHE saw that he wasn’t helping much, so she asked me to go away. FUCK MAN. We apparently came into appeasement, because I couldn’t stand listening to the crap she wanted to repeat.
But what made me more mad, is that she call sinyee so many freaking times and made her cry. GOD, sinyee doesn’t cry easily. No, she doesn’t. I am so going to warn her not to call anyone from sec3 again today. I CANT STAND HER MAN.WTF IS HER PROBLEM?

2007-06-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

Just came back from melissa feeling very tired out. We went to her house and Yishun library to do some research work on our ERIL ASSGN. I am seriously very unhappy with the librarians there. Totally rude and impolite. They made us move like 4 times before we could not take it and went to the media resource room. what the hell. And the most important fact is that they cannot say "PLEASE". -.-

Later, me, melissa and lynette went to north point to eat dinner. Apparently the delifrance there didn't sell POTATO BOOGIE. Therefore, we went to SWENSENS. Man, that was quite a finger licking experience. Melissa and lynette tried the chicken baked rice and i tried the fish. Mmmmm... NICE! However, i prefer the baked rice at PASTA MANIA as the rice tasted nicer and it had more and it is cheaper. Then, Melissa ordered fries, which we shared. And that was mouth watering too! Even though they had a hard time stopping me from pouring ketchup into the container itself, since the fries doesn't come with it. What a wierd place! They were practically screaming at me but in the end, they still ate it down regardless of whether it was ketchupless or with ketchup. Then, i finished eating first and wanted some calamari rings, which melissa wanted to share. It looked so nice and so many in the MENU. But as they always say, "looks can be decieving" and "never judge a book by its cover". It's nice, however it arrived in a pathethic amount. RAHS! totally not enough for me. WORSE, it didnt come with ketchup AGAIN. So, i started to make way for the ketchup bottle and melissa then started to cover the bowl with her hands. -.- And i started shouting at her and she started shouting back. Then she threw a piece of lettuce from the bowl and told me to put the ketchup there. -.- Apparently, i had to make do with that or she will start screaming again. LOL

Recieve news again. And i ain't very happy about it. Why can't you just stop it?
My house number, although i know is very nice and easy to remember, is not exactly there for you to make prank calls. Isn't my attitude enough. Maybe next time i should just tell you straight in your face to get out of my life. Seriously, why can't you get out of my life. You remind me of a koala, always holding on to the gum tree and not letting go, no matter what happens. Except, you are not cute and furry and you are definitely not that nice. What's more, you are not in that beautiful shade of gray. You look more like ______. You fill in the blank yourself. I am giving you a chance to reflect on your on behaviour anyway.

P.S. To GE fans, i realised i spelt GRANADO ESPADA wrongly. No offence meant. Sorry.

2007-06-02T18:32:00.000-07:00

seriously, granada espada sucks. It is such a lame game. Apparently, you can just leave the character there and go somewhere else, like for lunch, and it still continue killing enemies and gain exp. points. Which in my point of view, its not only lame but stupid. Why? Because my brother keeps hogging the damn computer when he doesn't even need to do anything. -.- FINE, and he says audition is lame. Guys seriously have loose screws in their head. Therefore, in order to even to be able to blog, i have to wake up at an unearthly time of 8am. Pathethic, ain't it. Anyway, i have to go over to melissa's today for english eril project, which basically also sucked. I mean, anything given out by RV basically sucked, cause they hardly marked even half of it. So that means we are basically wasting our time.Man, rv just totally SUCKED.

2007-06-02T02:26:00.000-07:00

today, i went for a haircut. Finally, some might say. I have been hestitaing, wanting to see if i could have had another chance with her. However, it truely hit me yesterday when i was talking on MSN with her. And WHEE!, what a surprise, she said "sorry" again. She was there, and i was on the other line.Amazingly, the past "best friends" could not find any topic to continue their conversation after a short 5 minutes. Well, that kind of woke me up. It made me realise she was never going to be free to actually just go for a haircut with me. Like what sinyee said in my ears for a thousand times, SHE IS JUST TOO BUSY. Too busy to even fit me, the "long long ago best friend" into a schedule. Man, that totally suck. I got that feeling back again. That feeling of relief after a haircut. I totally love this new hairdresser. He cut SO much of my hair, but it looks totally the same. Hahaz. Wonder what my mother has to say about this. She probably restrict me from stepping into that shop again.

勉强是没有幸福的。
事实虽然残酷，但是我们都很了解我们不能再逃避。
你把我折腾得很累。很累。
你让我觉得我很不了解你。
你让我认为在这两年你，你并不是你。
很多东西因为说出来很伤人，我们都选择彼此沉默。
但是沉默也是一种隐性的伤害，更重要的，使双方面的。
所以，我可以说是“看破红尘”了。
我已经把心结打开。现在，换你了。
接受所不能接受的。
谢谢你。

2007-06-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

QUOTE OF THE DAY: time heals all wounds.
Cliche but true. The passing grains of falling sand through that narrow figur eight glass really work miracles on wounds that simply hurt to the heart. Sounds stupid but,hey, if it works why not. The catch in this is that one has no idea how long the time will take.It can take 3 days, 5 weeks, 7 months and maybe, even 8 years. It's a never ending question mark to such a profound and yet, in a way, simple question. Inronical, that's all I can say. It always works, that is all i can assure. i have the experience and it took quite a long time. Longer than i could bear, anyway. But, it still succeeded in making me forget, forget the pain.
However, if one still chooses to hold on tightly, even on a thin thread, i guess time just can't bear to pull you away from whatever you are holding on to. So, in order to quicken the process and ensure the efficiency of it, i really strongly advise in one letting go of whatever they should.At least,it might rub away SOME of the PAIN.

2007-06-01T04:03:00.000-07:00

simply bored. i seriously can't understand why people can make a big fuss out of small things. Maybe that is because she seriously doesnt understand the OBVIOUS HINTS that i am not interested. BOOZ. that totally sucked.i mean, the attitude and all and you still don't get it. Man, it's really time for a eye check. Hyprocrisy is the only way to life. You taught me that, ddn't you? With all that sweet talk and all. It's really a wonder that you didn't manage to see through mine as well. Since mine was not obviously as clean and clear cut as yours. With my straightforward attitude, i kind of find it highly impossible to act, even though i have to admit i AM a drama-queen. You know, one day, when i really can't stand it anymore, i might just say every FREAKING thing with the word FREAKING in them. And seriously, if you know me well enough, which i guess you do, i don't really mean the word FREAKING. Amusing how someone like me could go against someone like you, isn't it? i agree it's pretty amusing, since life could have been so much better if i have never met you in the first place. If you totally want to go mess with others and they allow you to, i don't see why you just have to pick on me. In America, i think they use a more informal word for this, "bullying". How simple and straightforward it sounds, doesn't it? I don't give up easily, since this is practically my life. You have no choice over it, i guess, since its MINE, as clearly stated above. THANK YOU, though, for all the attention.

2007-05-31T08:12:00.000-07:00

I waited, so eagerly that I thought my heart will just burst with anticipation. I waited, just like that, for that mere 5 seconds, for the word, "ok" or even a simple "yes". When have I started to become so desperate for just a simple agreement? I seriously don't know. It was probably the time when you left with her, not even looking back. The word I have heard you say a million times, “sorry" just keep ringing in my ears. You didn’t understand how much I wanted you to stay. You didn’t know how much I wanted you to just say "I’ll go with you”. You didn’t know. You went with her to cut her hair, saying it so casually into the mirror. You didn’t know how my heart was bleeding when I heard that. I wanted to ask you to go with me for that simple haircut on that day too. I wanted to ask. However, every time I opened my mouth, I just had to stuff those words back in. Your eyes could no longer see my shadow and your eyes could no longer hear my voice. Your answer was still a “no”. Not only in the past, not only now, but I guess forever. There are so many things I wanted to confide in you, so many things. But they don’t matter anymore. With you appearing less in my life, and with me less appearing in yours, we just have to accommodate that there are differences in each others life. When I see your blog appearing with names and words I have never seen you used in those past 2 years, it just felt like someone just stabbed me in the heart once and again. It just becomes more and more apparent about the ever growing distance. Your answer was a tight slap across my mind and my heart. The tears just kept flowing. It woke me up. It’s probably time to let go. AGAIN.

2007-05-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

yesterday had training. LOL. only 3 girls come. so basically we slack all the way. SLACKING can seriously be addictive de lor. i can like just slcak through the whole training without feeling guilty. i mean, last time when i start slacking, more then 15 mins i start to feel damn guilty. NOW, i just feel that its like normal.HAIZZ... wad the heck is happening to me?

yesterdat also started learning the DANCE! WHEE! very fun. it makes me reminisce about the good times rvtt used to have. WELL, we still have them.just that they seemed to have lost with time. the dance is not easy man. but for myself and all sec 3 rvtt members, we will try our best! XD

when i started to feel the growing distance between us, i started to grew frightened. u seemed so different, advancing faster and faster in the game of snake and ladders. but i always seemed to fall behind, going down snake after snake. i can never catch up with u. not now, not ever. its the FRIGHT that made me realise how much both of us have changed.u lived ur life now and i lived mine. the CHUMMINESS we used to have seemed to just disappear. it seemed that u were sharing the CHUMMINESS with someone else now. Probably its all my fault, for not learning to treasure you before its too late. now, we are like 2 parallel lines never meeting again. its too late for me anymore. i am being closed out of ur world. one day, when you find that you have no reason to side by me anymore, you will find that we have become TOTAL STRANGERS.

2007-05-27T02:17:00.000-07:00

Just spend the whole of the afternoon in front of my COM!
saw some very nice videos on youtube and realised i am very interesting in GODS. i meant those GREEK and ROMAN!
do u noe the song by SHE yue gui nv shen?
its about the story of 2 GODS, apollo and daphne
Apollo is the GOD OF SUN
DAPHNE is the NYPHM OF WOODLAND.
THIS IS HOW THE STORY GOES:
"Daphne was Apollo’s first love.
It was not brought about by accident, but by the malice of Cupid. Apollo saw the boy playing with his bow and arrows; and being himself elated with his recent victory over Python, he said to him, “What have you to do with warlike weapons, saucy boy? Leave them for hands worthy of them. Behold the conquest I have won by means of them over the vast serpent who stretched his poisonous body over acres of the plain! Be content with your torch, child, and kindle up your flames, as you call them, where you will, but presume not to meddle with my weapons.” Venus’s boy heard these words, and rejoined, “Your arrows may strike all things else, Apollo, but mine shall strike you.” So saying, he took his stand on a rock of Parnassus, and drew from his quiver two arrows of different workmanship, one to excite love, the other to repel it. The former was of gold and sharp pointed, the latter blunt and tipped with lead. With the leaden shaft he struck the nymph Daphne, the daughter of the river god Peneus, and with the golden one Apollo, through the heart. Henceforth the god was seized with love for the maiden, and she abhorred the thought of loving. Her delight was in woodland sports and in the spoils of the chase. Many sought her love, but she spurned them all, ranging the woods. Her father often said to her, “Daughter, you owe me a son-in-law; you owe me grandchildren.” She, hating the thought of marriage as a crime, with her beautiful face tinged all over with blushes, threw her arms around her father’s neck, and said, “Dearest father, grant me this favor, that I may always remain unmarried, like Diana.” He consented, but at the same time said, “Your own face will forbid it.”

"Apollo longed to obtain her; and he who gives oracles to the world was not wise enough to look into his own fortunes. He saw her hair flung loose over her shoulders, and said, “If so charming in disorder, what would it be if arranged?” He saw her eyes bright as stars; he saw her lips, and was not satisfied with only seeing them. He admired her hands and arms, naked to the shoulder, and whatever was hidden from view he imagined more beautiful still. He followed her; she fled, swifter than the wind, and delayed not a moment at his entreaties. “Stay,” said he, “daughter of Peneus; I am not a foe. Do not fly me as a lamb flies the wolf, or a dove the hawk. It is for love I pursue you. You make me miserable, for fear you should fall and hurt yourself on these stones, and I should be the cause. Pray run slower, and I will follow slower. I am no clown, no rude peasant. Jupiter is my father, and I am lord of Delphos and Tenedos, and know all things, present and future. I am the god of song and the lyre. My arrows fly true to the mark; but, alas! an arrow more fatal than mine has pierced my heart! I am the god of medicine, and know the virtues of all healing plants. Alas! I suffer a malady that no balm can cure!
"The nymph continued her flight, and left his plea half uttered. And even as she fled she charmed him. The wind blew her garments, and her unbound hair streamed loose behind her. The god grew impatient to find his wooings thrown away, and, sped by Cupid, gained upon her in the race. It was like a hound pursuing a hare, with open jaws ready to seize, while the feebler animal darts forward, slipping from the very grasp. So flew the god and the virgin—he on the wings of love, and she on those of fear. The pursuer is the more rapid, however, and gains upon her, and his panting breath blows upon her hair. Her strength begins to fail, and, ready to sink, she calls upon her father, the river god: “Help me, Peneus! open the earth to enclose me, or change my form, which has brought me into this danger!” Scarcely had she spoken, when a stiffness seized all her limbs; her bosom began to be enclosed in a tender bark; her hair became leaves; her arms became branches; her foot stuck fast in the ground, as a root; her face became a tree-top, retaining nothing of its former self but its beauty. Apollo stood amazed. He touched the stem, and felt the flesh tremble under the new bark. He embraced the branches, and lavished kisses on the wood. The branches shrank from his lips. “Since you cannot be my wife,” said he, “you shall assuredly be my tree. I will wear you for my crown; I will decorate with you my harp and my quiver; and when the great Roman conquerors lead up the triumphal pomp to the Capitol, you shall be woven into wreaths for their brows. And, as eternal youth is mine, you also shall be always green, and your leaf know no decay.” The nymph, now changed into a Bay laurel tree, bowed its head in grateful acknowledgement."

the Laurel Leafs are also made into a wreath for the olympics.
haizz... so touching...
but actually appollo very flirt de. dunno got how many wives and children. LOL.
this is just one of the more touching de.

2007-05-24T05:40:00.000-07:00

had a meaningful talk with someone just now.
apparently, i have attained enlightenment AGAIN. LOL
zhijun seems to be attaining enlightenment once too often.
LESSON LEARNT: follow ur HEART. cuz it will be right to u no matter wad. XD
saw his nick. appaerntly he has someone there for him now.
since camp is approaching, i shall take the time to peel him out from my mind.
& to erase wadeva memories that have been left.
HOLIDAYS are so not holidays. pratically flooded with assgiments projects and homework
but since i promised to attain at least 5 As, guess i should start working now?
MY COM IS BACK as everyone should see now.
apparently the internet cant connect becuz my brother pull the wrong thing out.
LOL. cant stand him.
CAMP CAMP CAMP. so fussed out by it. RAHS GAHS RAHS still got performance. so busy le still come extra. *KICKS*
HAVE TO GO row out of homework for tomorrow. TATA!

2007-05-21T05:02:00.000-07:00

SOMETHING IS TOTALLY WRONG WITH BLOGGER.
can't stand it lar.
just did up my holiday schedule and WHEE! other than around 10 days to slack and do homework, i spend the rest going for cca and for other commitments.
WTH.
sianx. after exams still got so many things to do. can u believe we actually have HOMEWORK! WTH.
BORED BORED BORED.
feel like banging my head on the wall.
GAHS!

2007-05-19T01:29:00.000-07:00

HEYS PPL!!! hahaz... did anyone miss me?
if u all did, go smash my bro's head in the wall.
obviously since april, my com started breaking down and WHEE!
its going to be JUNE 1 and my com is not fixed yet! WTH!!!!
n ITS ALL MY BRO'S FAULT!

well, lets talk about school life.
BORING exams since the last time i remember!
n the amazing fact is that (not that i am trying to boast or anything)
i got like highest in level for history?
so, this just proves that being marked by chia kelli means getting a higher mark
speaking of chia kelli, makes me think of the good old days, when me and jenns went to pester her for tips to get a gd mark for our FIRST ever COUNTED ESSAY!
that was such good days!
remember seeing the nj ppl come back and i didnt see jenns.
JENNINGS if u still come to my blog, I MISS YOU!
better come for TT camp, its on the fourth friday of the holidays!
SMS me for more details (that is if my phone isnt broke XP)

as expected i didnt really do well for exams
maybe cuz i was like slacking even before the day of the exams
i wanna say sorry to mr ang and thank you for giving me one extra mark for the maths paper!
seriously, without him, i might have flunked the paper!

i notice the good thing about being in 3c.
remember how in 2d, i always used to think i am all that big and everything?
guess in 3c, i realised i wasnt.
3c made me wake up alot, and i started to see things in views of others and not myself.
being in 3c also gave me the space and enviroment to make me change myself.
the change i have been talking about since sec2.
i matured. defintely.
its hard not to when you are in 3c.
i am more confident of saying that zhijun is a much better person than she was in 2d.
zhijun hardly beats anyway now(excluding the fact that she cant in 3C), her hands HURT too when she starts to beat.
that was so IMPOSSIBLE when i was in 2d.
3c made me open my eyes and taught me to look at life with a positive light.
being happy go lucky isnt something bad, by learning how to let go of things when you should is a good thing.
you are not the worse of the lot, as there are also someone worser than you.
so basically u can say that zhijun has forgotten all her wadsoeva hatred and stuff that happen in 2d, she just wanna be friends and relax.
i am thankful for 3c for teaching me to grow up and just stop acting like a 3 year
old kid.
i realise 3c made me clever. THANK GOD FOR THAT! being in 3c now looks better than being with 2d, because 2d never did so much for me before. 3c did. THANK YOU
(i am not stating that 2d isnt good. i am just saying wad it had done to me wasnt very impactful as compared to 3c. 2d is still good to me!)

TO ALL SC candidates, i seriously support all of you if u all are doing something that will benefit us in the future. IF U ARE NOT GOING TO DO SO, then just shut the trap with all that crap and stop wasting our time. THANK YOU! JIAYOU TO ALL 2D SCs!

HOT TOPIC: Table tennis! RAHS
just dont wanna turn up for training
realise how boring and stupid it can be
if like only one out of the sec 3 girls team which consist of only like 6 ppl
can turn up for PROPER training, i dont see how this is going to work out.
to some ppl, pls dun take others to make out of an excuse for ur self
passion is not because of others, it comes from withnin. the only thing u are affecting is the rest of your teammates with your silly excuses. you are seriously making us all lose not only passion, but also hope for the team.
(THIS IS NO PERSONAL ATTACK,IF U AIN'T HAPPY WITH WAD U SEE, TELL ME IN MY FACE AND NOT BEHIND MY BACK. thank you)

2007-04-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

学会放开是成长中必要的一部分
这就好比一支老鹰学会因为要活下去，就必须放开抓中的食物
因为食物的拖累，让我们迷失在自己的脚步中。
我们会开始感到混乱，感到世上没有人会对你多加理会
但是，如果自己肯把心中的石头抛开，就将会发现世界的美妙和传奇
had a dream last night.
a dream that i want to forget.
change
a scary word.
a word attributed to fear.
no wrong about that.
THE FEAR can change people.
no matter they want it or not.
i haven changed. towards you.

2007-04-14T01:24:00.000-07:00

CID
a stupid subject that dominates my life.
let's just hope we can scrape through.

2007-04-04T05:10:00.000-07:00

when i heard this song, i can't believe how true it sounds.

WELCOME TO MY LIFE
do you ever feel like breaking down?
do you ever feel out of place?
like somehow you just don't belong
and no one understands you
do you ever wanna run away?
do you lock yourself in your room?
with the radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears you screaming

no you don't know what it's like
when nothing feels alright
you don't know what it's like to be like me

to be hurt
to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked
when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
and no one's there to save you
no you don't know what it's like
welcome to my life

do you wanna be somebody else?
are you sick of feeling so left out?
are you desperate to find something more
before your life is over?
are you stuck inside a world you hate?
are you sick of everyone around?
with the big fake smiles and stupid lies
while deep inside you're bleeding

no one ever lies straight to your face
and no one ever stabbed you in the back
you might think i'm happy
but i'm not gonna be ok!
everybody always gave you what you wanted
you never had to work it was always there
you don't know what it's like
what it's like!
no you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

ITS SO TRUE. THAT is how i am FEELING now. TO all of YOU.

2007-04-04T03:58:00.000-07:00

and i can`t stand the pain
and i can`t make it go away
no i can`t stand the pain

it HURTS. but i dunno WHY. ain't i supposed to be void of all emotions? i start feeling so GOD DAMN USELESS. i am PATHETHIC.n' i should just ADMIT it. i SWORE to forget. but when i see him i get so DAMN EMOTIONAL inside. what feeling is that? i don't know. i no longer start to THINK. EMOTIONS take CONTROL. ZhiJun. you ARE running away. FROM something you don't even have a CLUE of. how INTELLCUTUAL is that? are you always going to keep RUNNING AWAY. it's not a matter of emotional thinking, it's a matter of WHY are you running? it's STUPID. wake up and just STOP it.

how could this happen to me
i make my mistakes
got no where to run
the night goes on
as i`m fading away
i sick of this life
i just want to scream
how could this happen to me

i KNOW. it's my FAULT. for being so GOD DAMN EMOTIONAL. i'm SICK of it. TRUELY. but i cant do ANYTHING about it. LIFE is a cycle, of GOOD and BAD. i guess, i was just too BAD a person in my PREVIOUS life. now, zhijun, ain't u DOING it again. EXCUSES. that's what you always GIVE. RUNNING AWAY doesn't make things right you know. IT DOESN'T.

everybody is screaming
i try to make it sound but no one hears me
i am slipping off the edge
i am handing by a thread
i wanna start this over again

i am on my BRINK of mental emotional CONTROLL. NO ONE understands.NO ONE trys to. i am SICK of it. LIVING in SELF-DENIAL. LIVING in a world where things CANNOT go wrong. he DOESN'T like YOU. n' YOU KNOW IT. so JUST LET GO. BEFORE you HURT yourself. you ARE just holding on to a WORTHLESS string, one that didn't EVEN STARTED. ITS your own THINKING. it DIDN'T even STARTED.

2007-03-31T06:46:00.000-07:00

had cca exco members seclection on friday. can't say i had any feelings for it cuz well, DO I LOOK LIKE I FREAKING CARE? nope, didnt think so either. i mean, its just a leadership position. u dont play table tennis just because of it. u play table tennis cuz u like it, not becuz its like able to make u achieved RINGS. anyway, i have seen the light on my SC days, and RINGS to me is CRAP and a BURDEN. i dun see the need on having them on my shoudlers, unless i want them just to show that i have the power to become one which is like =.=.

homework is loads. n' zhijun dun wanna touch them. cuz they are BORING. shall pia tomorrow!(:

i found out that many ppl start to change when we are in sec3. maybe cuz we are in different classes? i dun stick to 2d ppl now. we are just like normal friends, not having that kind of close relationship le. n' ppl seem more emo nowsaday. depressing words here and there. i changed too. i admit. i probably dun seem to flare up that easily nowsadays. cuz i dun see the point. whenever i do that, i cant think straight, i let my emotions take control, and bad things happen. i'm sorry, yujie. i really didnt mean it. so probably i need a timeout or something. yups. a timeout.

i got my brand NEW calculator. its WHITE, ppl. WHITE. beautiful white. WHOOTS! i lurv it man. it can calculate equations ok. i noe u r jealous hahaz... then go purchase one from mr ang, pls STATE that u want WHITE not BLACK! hahaz... cuz black is UGLY. its $18, go buy it ppl!

i cant make clear of my feelings. i dunno whether i am stressed or i am not. i dunno whether i am troubled or not. but i noe i'm am happy some of the time. other times, i seem to have lost all emotions. i just feel empty? also, i dun like to cut my hair now. after cutting i no longer feel all my troubles are gone, i feel a sense of disgust, hate , irritation. i feel like pulling every strand out. i dunno wad happen.
i just feel tired.

2007-03-29T04:24:00.001-07:00

just came back from school. getting home late like every single day of the week. GAWD!n' homework is like stacking up into some kind of mountain!!! RV just suck! it SUCKS out loud. Ms Ek was like talking about the vulgarities issue this morning through pa system, saying that IF we were caught saying vulgarities we will see mrs look. LOL. that was like one of the lamest thing i ever heard. i actually scold the F word like every time the tt ball dont cross the net or fly out of the table. i mean, every one scolds lar can. SENIORS, JUNIORS. LOL. such a lame thing to talk about. early in the morning too. i was like sleeping on my table when shuying cam to wake me up. apparently, due to the obsessive sleeping habit the PRCs have, we, the locals, are no longer allowed to sleep at will too. =.= stupid.

i stayed back in school to finish up the 200 word essay on "lun dian". n' it took me a good 3 hours to complete it. and FINE, i admit i wrote crap. no more high marks for zhijun. i was like stoning the whole time. it doesnt make any sense to write about the advantages about reading, cuz in my opinion everyone is like reading every single minute second of their lifes. so its just a =.= topic.

my english speech went well. fumbled abit when she was like saying the time. i kind of went "HUH?" then i was like, wth is going on? but i still got 28/30!!! one of the highest. but nope, not the highest. we saw some GROSS movie, MEET THE MEAT. ppl, go youtube and watch it if u want. but dont regret. u will seriously want to stop eating meat after watching it. apparently we have to do this essay on it, and i was like EWWWW... i was so disillusionised after watching it i was like in a sub conscious mood. the RJC movie was not bad also. some teacher scolding a prc for his tardiness, and was like verbal insulting the student. if u hear carefully, u can hear her scold the f word at him! (:

mr ang is seriously just a great teacher. if u haf him for maths chances of the whole class getting a A is damn high. HE ROCKS! (:(:

oya, the reason i cant update often is cuz my BROTHER (older) apparently got a NEW laptop. WADEVA. and he keeps pulling the internet connection out of this main computer for his OWN PERSONAL USE. WHEE.n' the fact that he is so irresponsible that he never ever puts the connection back after using it makes it even better. and he claims i am being ridiculous. WTH. one day i shall take that laptop of urs and throw it from the window down here, mind you, its the second storey!

well, have to go bathe le. then go do homework. maybe i will go over to queensway to look at pencil cases (:

2007-03-24T06:57:00.000-07:00

GAHS RAHS i'm bored. now y dont u do ur homework then zhijun? cuz i dont FEEL like, thats why! i slacked like the whole day at home n' at the library. i drank Cappuccino (hot) and ate WEDGES. Cappuccino is SOOOOO nice. you all shld try it. and its cheap ok! its only $2.80!!! i normally drink it with 2 packs of sugar cubes.
before drinking i will use the wooden stirrer and scoop up the white foam of milk with cocca powder sprinkled on top of it! YUMS! sounds nice doesnt it. then go BUY(:
& wedges ROCKS too! nice and crispy. eat them while their HOT! (good advice XD)

haizz... apparently my family facing financial difficulties. cuz business is apparently so BAD. therefore i cant get the SHORTS i want. if i want, have to pay myself. but zhijun so BROKE lar can. *sobs* hahaz... but will see lar. maybe ask my aunt buy for me. XD

i need some PRO ppl to help me with my speech. i totally have no idea wad to write about.and i am going to cry le. ok lar... impossible to see zhijun cry de rite.
WRONG lor. this year is like the most number of times i have cried. zhijun is getting WEAKER as years go by. the mask she held on for so long is probably peeling and broken already. her heart is already getting more and more weak. & so is her brain. she needs a new mask. & she is creating one now.
to protect her from anything and everything (:

now hearing WHEN YOU BELIEVE. its a nice song. touching and inspirational.the singers are GOOD too (: i recommend this song to all of you XD i also recommend HIGH SCHOOL NEVER ENDS but its abit... yellow lar. i mean that word in the chorus lar. its only one word. but they repeat the chorus for so many times....so...
ya (:

had meet the parents on friday. was wishing my parents could just forget bout it.
but they still remember. at least they didnt went to see SURIA. cuz like i'm sure he will complain de lar.
"zhijun also hand in homework after others"
"zhijun doesnt listen in class, she always doodle here and there or talk to melissa"
LOL... okay lar. this year i totally dont feel like studying lar can. my PHYSIC sucks anyway. SO NOT INTERESTED. i managed to pull my parents away before they went to see the rest. so they only saw mrs tan lay yen, mr tan chuan long and mr suresh.
apparently they met him on the staircase. imagine the nice conversation they had with ppl interupting them like every 5 seconds.LOL. apparently they were walking in between them. zhijun turned BAD this year. dont ask her y. cuz she doesnt noe either.
probably cuz she is SICK of being a GOODY TWO SHOES. most probably. or because of the EMPTY feeling she gets in her guts.

she's bored but she can't sleep. probably due to the Cappuccino.